Restart

Grief y’all. 

My heart still hurts. I don’t understand this grief thing. Some days almost feel normal, but I certainly don’t. 

I just can’t find any words right now. Between his loss and the state of the world, I’m hurting.

I cut my drinking way back in January. Cutting the bullshit, I’ve had a bordering on unhealthy relationship with alcohol for years. Going to bed sober was an interesting feeling. Now it’s one that I cherish. Also nice is not needing to question my emotions as being alcohol fueled. Don’t get me wrong, I still drink but never alone anymore. 

Night shift has been so hard. We go weeks without really seeing each other. I’ve become possessive over our time together and that really isn’t healthy. It won’t be resolving itself this month. 

A couple we had been friend dating is on the verge of divorce. She’s moving across country while he stays here until he can get a job back there. They’ve been together for over a decade. But this job. It’s terrifying to see so many marriages that crumble apart. 

There are good days. Right now they just seemed lost in the swirl of hard ones. So I run. And I stare into nothing. And I take bubble baths. Hopefully the next set of good days lasts longer. 

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About texancountess

I find myself in the calming roar of the sea, floating gently on the foam of the breaking waves. Blue. Green. Gray. The colors of the sea mark the boundaries of my soul. The tumbled glass finds its polish under the relentless pounding of the waves upon the shore. Thus am I. Rough transitioning to polish, refinement ever a process, finding my niche in the storms of life.
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