One of the things I like least about myself is that I suffer from anxiety. Especially as regards to doing new things and traveling by myself. Both push me out of my comfort zone and I tend to obsess over details that are typically out of my control. I’m still working on minimizing their impact on my life by practicing my management techniques.
This week I’m flying to Texas to run a half marathon. I’m mixing the stress of travel with the stress of the unknown.
I really wanted to run 13 miles during my training to make sure it wouldn’t be a new distance on race day. Life had other plans and instead I’m going in with my longest run being 10 miles. But, I know I can finish. That’s not even the focus of my worry. Instead I’m fretting over driving down there, parking arrangements, and sharing a hotel with people I don’t know. And, by doing so, I rob myself the joy of pleasant anticipation.
I’ve been mentally counting down the hours left until my flight since Monday afternoon. But not in the I can’t wait good anticipation way. Nope. Instead, I’m worrying over each passing second as another I don’t have to accomplish some shadowy goal before the flight. Which, steals my enjoyment of my last night in town with my husband.
An internet friend tweeted about how acknowledging that we are in control of our emotions is incredibly freeing. She said this quite some time ago. But it’s still true.
I’m in control of how I feel. I can choose to obsess and worry. Or, I can choose to let it go and just enjoy the moments as they occur. I know which one I’m inclined to do based on past habits. I also know that I would rather enjoy my life and quit worrying it away.
Here’s to letting go. Here’s to just living. Here’s to enjoying the journey.