Late Night Musings

It really isn’t even that late here. It just feels like it because he goes to bed so early on work nights. I wish I was the type that could easily fall asleep whenever, but my trying to go to bed with him is a recipe for us both to toss and turn all night. Safer that I stay up for awhile and let him actually fall asleep. Or, even if he’s not sleeping well by the time I come to bed, at least that isn’t on my conscience as my fault.

Speaking of, I really take way too many things on as my fault. I carry burdens that are not mine. I need to get better at that. I’ve been practicing my nope-not-thinking-that routine lately and clearly have more work to do.

The house stuff is still looming. I know it’s going just fine, I’m just ready to be in the damn house already. Hopefully we’re only a month away now. I just want a closing date.

Worse than the house stuff, one of my job’s is up in the air. It’s the best paying one and also the one I’ve been harboring the most apprehension about. Long story short, there was a change in leadership at the school and apparently some discord regarding changing the music program. All of which has led to where we are now, I’m supposed to start teaching classes on Monday and I’m not sure if I have a job. The interim director called me earlier tonight before the board meeting all apologetic about how things are going down. She promised to call me with an update after the meeting, but seeing as it’s almost four hours after the meeting was supposed to start, I don’t think I’m getting that call tonight. I guess I’ll just have to get creative to make up the income.

B’s birthday is tomorrow. He doesn’t like celebrating them. He sees no reason to celebrate being born. Regardless, we’re going to dinner next Tuesday with some friends at a restaurant of his choosing. I asked him what he wanted for dinner and dessert tomorrow and he picked chili dogs with brownies. Sometimes I’m not sure that I’m married to a legal adult. And I wouldn’t have him any other way.

It’s hard for me to respect that he wants things quieter on his birthday. He always does special things for mine, because he knows it means a lot to me. Which, means that I have to show restraint for his because that’s what matters to him. It feels weird to not get him a gift, though he has been promised the electronics he desires once we move. I almost made him this awesome exploding box (sadly sounds cooler than reality) but I realized that is something I would want for myself, thus I decided to not force it on him.

Tomorrow is my last preschool summer class and my final toddler session is on Saturday. I’ll be on break from teaching until September and I’m looking forward to a bit of time to recharge. Especially with how busy we’ll (hopefully) be getting ready to move.

Mostly, right now, I wish it was next week already and that I was in Texas, giggling with my bestie while my parents sleep down the hall.


About texancountess

I find myself in the calming roar of the sea, floating gently on the foam of the breaking waves. Blue. Green. Gray. The colors of the sea mark the boundaries of my soul. The tumbled glass finds its polish under the relentless pounding of the waves upon the shore. Thus am I. Rough transitioning to polish, refinement ever a process, finding my niche in the storms of life.
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