A Whirl

I’m glad we’ve had the chance to talk, I just know we’re going to be best friends.

Even though the calendar read early March, the sun shone brightly over our heads, beating down with an intensity that teased at the summer to come. The temperature walked that perfect balance between hot and cold, making for ideal hiking weather. The nearby castle beckoned us away from base and none of us said no to adventure. She whirled into my life. I think she preferred to whirl into everything in her life. A storm of chaos, love, and friendship she offered all of herself until the wind blew her away.

I’m going to miss you. How am I supposed to survive without you?

Weeknight dinner after weekday lunch after Sunday night wine fest, we bonded over boys, booze, and more. Wedding planning talk turned to plans to go dress shopping together. We cried the night I told her I couldn’t see myself getting married without her there. Maybe it’s a military thing, maybe it’s me but I’m all about making hard and fast friends.

Call me when you can please.

The phone rang on eternally. Finally her voice message picked up. I left her my number, my skype info, and cursed at the eight time zones separating us. I agonized when she didn’t call back. I called again, left another message and waited some more. Finally, she responds via facebook, “just ask your husband, I told him everything.” Her breakup, the beginning of the end.

I’ve missed you so much. No one understands me like you do.

A long walk with small tubs of ice cream, we ate it too fast for it to melt. We laughed, we sniffled, we shared. We mended the broken spots, even if I still didn’t know where they originated. We renewed the promises to go shopping, pick the weekly dinners back up, and just enjoy life.

I would have done my ceremony last week if I wasn’t waiting for you.

She pinned on Captain the same day that my husband did. Prior to my trip, we arranged everything so I could pin both of them on without them having to share a ceremony. Excitement came close to describing my feelings, but never quite attained the level of what I actually felt. Until the day came. All weekend things felt off. Missed connections, stiff invitations, and balking on both sides. The morning of, I saw her car down the road at another friend’s house, she didn’t stop by as expected and I had to rush when I realized I needed to walk to the ceremony instead.

I don’t want to go to the beach tomorrow either, I’ll call you about lunch.

Her car drove by first thing in the morning. Back to our other friend’s house. We saw them load in and drive away while walking our dogs. I didn’t worry. We had lunch. Until lunchtime arrived and passed. I called her house phone. I messaged her on facebook. I called her cell phone. No answer. Much later she asked if B had upset me because I seemed tense. I told her that in fact she hurt me by promising to call and not doing so. She claimed to remember none of our conversation past my not desiring to go to the beach. I tried to believe her. Until it happened again the next weekend and the one after that as well, for good measure I suppose.

You were the only one who asked me if I had plans for my birthday.

I also had the distinct pleasure of being the only one not asked by her to celebrate her birthday. She polled other friends, but everyone deflected so they could get the joy of surprising her. Not all surprises are good ones. So much fell to the wayside that summer. She postponed wedding dress shopping three times before I finally called it off. Phone calls now went unanswered. Invitations to dinner left an empty plate at my table. Community gatherings that saw both of us attending usually involved a drunken pledge of friendship from her and a promise to do something sometime that never materialized.

You’re my closest friend, I cannot wait to be in your wedding.

I saw her last on our final night out in Turkey. She flitted into the bar with her new boyfriend and greeted every last soul with a dramatic hug. Except us of course. He came up to greet us, wish us well. We did the same for him seeing as he left the week after us. She’s hidden on my facebook news feed though I never quite manage to unfriend her. Tears sting my eyes when I view her pictures, because of course I check in on her weekly because I want her to be happy. I just wish that her happy still involved me.

I still don’t know where it went wrong. I doubt that I ever will. For a year she whirled through my life before leaving as abruptly as she entered. I miss her. I probably always will.

~The Countess~


About texancountess

I find myself in the calming roar of the sea, floating gently on the foam of the breaking waves. Blue. Green. Gray. The colors of the sea mark the boundaries of my soul. The tumbled glass finds its polish under the relentless pounding of the waves upon the shore. Thus am I. Rough transitioning to polish, refinement ever a process, finding my niche in the storms of life.
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2 Responses to A Whirl

  1. Oh man, I totally understand this. Except that I was the one who went through the breakup, and while I’ve gotten a lot closer to one of my friends whose guy is in the squadron, another is a constant stream of “We’ll always be friends, it doesn’t matter about him!” and “Let’s hang out soon, I’ll call you!” and the phone calls never come, text and facebook messages go unanswered, and it just leaves you wondering. It’s really the worst.

    Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.

  2. You put pain on paper so beautifully but I hate that you have to do it at all.

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