Tough Times

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I’m having a hard time knowing what to write. A hard time putting thoughts into words. A hard time capturing feelings and holding them still long enough to assess what they are, much less describe them here.

I don’t want to sound like a broken record.

Somewhere along the way though, moving got hard for me. Moving to Minot was easy and hard. Easy because B was there waiting for me along with out future and all it held. Hard because saying goodbye is never easy.

Moving to Germany was more difficult. So many new roles and I lost a little bit of myself in that shuffle. Moving to Turkey was rough. I completely lost myself in the hopelessness of starting over in a place we didn’t want to be.

I don’t want this cycle to continue. But not acknowledging it doesn’t change it.

I struggle with depression when we move. When I don’t have any friends in town. When I don’t have a job. When I’m completely dependent on B for in person interaction and he’s tired from a long day of work. When I’m scared of repeating the past. I struggle.

I’m fighting it the only way I know how. Texting my sister to talk about my nephew. Planning expensive dream vacations via text with my SIL. Setting up phone dates with friends. Running in circles on the track at the gym, chasing every tear away with every step that I take. Writing about it here.

It isn’t easy to say goodbye to four homes in three and a half years. It isn’t easy to walk away from four jobs in that time.

It isn’t easy starting over every time. New friends to make. New job to find. New home to unpack. New routine to settle into.

And always another move looming on the horizon.

~The Countess~

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About texancountess

I find myself in the calming roar of the sea, floating gently on the foam of the breaking waves. Blue. Green. Gray. The colors of the sea mark the boundaries of my soul. The tumbled glass finds its polish under the relentless pounding of the waves upon the shore. Thus am I. Rough transitioning to polish, refinement ever a process, finding my niche in the storms of life.
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5 Responses to Tough Times

  1. Army Amy says:

    Hugs! I don’t think you sound like a broken record at all. (And it’s your blog – this is your space to unload). Moving sucks. The big, life-changing kind of moves that you’ve done suck even more. Everything will eventually come together, but it takes time. I’ve been at our new duty station almost a year, and I’ve made 2 friends. So, I’m still figuring things out. But the routine, the unpacking, the new job, that stuff will come sooner rather than later.

    • Thanks so much! I have to remind myself that (hopefully) soon I will be buried in unpacking, learning a new job, etc and that it will seem easier then. I think part of it is being burned out on only having five shirts to wear.

  2. I am a new military wife (Coast Guard…yes, “puddle pirates”,haha) and doing our first PCS. I moved to him in VA after I finished grad school and it was really tough to make friends and find a job. It took me 3 months to find a job. It was awful. The other wives (only 2, the population of the area was 192) didn’t like me and my husband went to A school leaving me alone here for the last few months. I don’t think I’ve felt lower in my life. Thankfully we got orders to Miami (we’re from FL) and I am elated to know I’ll be back to the normal weather and semi-close to friends and family. Just wanted to say cheer up! You’ll get through it! I don’t know you but I know putting your own life and goals aside for your husband’s career takes a lot of strength :) Enjoy the new journey!

  3. Lila says:

    I’m an Army wife and over the years I’ve seen many wives just give up, but you’re fighting—and that’s a good thing!!! This season will pass, although it may be long. I pray the transitions get easier and lasting friendships come your way! God bless!

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