Yesterday was a day of big decisions for me. Little things that had been weighing on my mind, clambered upon each other and finally reached enough weight to have my full attention. Things that I haven’t been satisfied with, things that I wanted changed. With yesterday’s focus on what would I change if I could, I realized that I do have to potential to change and wishing but not working toward that is a failure. Not that I’m saying I’m a failure. Rather, that I can’t just sit and wish for something to happen if I’m not willing to put the work in for it.
I’ve been working for awhile on changing my health. I’ve not been focusing on losing weight, but rather on making it to the gym to lift and going for my runs whether I want to or not. I’ve not been worried about dieting, but on making better choices for my food. Rather than sit and wish away the weight and body image issues, I’ve been working to achieve the results I want. I don’t care what number the scale says, as long as I feel happy, healthy, and strong.
But what other areas of my life can I apply this to?
Am I really stuck taking hormonal birth control when I hate the way it makes me feel and act? Or could I take action and do something about it? Yesterday, I decided to do the research and make the appointment to see my doctor. Friday, I’ll be asking to make the switch to the Paragard IUD. Safe, non-permanent, effective, and non-hormonal. It was such a little step. But I went from wishing to working and hopefully soon I’ll have the result that I want.
The other decision was bigger and scarier. It’s one that still makes me nervous to think about. The one that ties my stomach up in knots, while a voice deep inside taunts me that I’m not good enough to pull this off.
I decided yesterday that three-years-married me doesn’t want to wish to change my job anymore. I want to work toward switching careers.
Even just typing that makes me slightly nauseous.
I love music. I love teaching piano. But I’m faced with wanting different things out of life than I did when I began down the path of a piano teacher. B and I aren’t sure that we ever want kids, so a career that I could work from home with is less important. We are sure that we aren’t looking to settle down in once place any time soon, which means constantly starting over for me and as a piano teacher that means lowering my earning potential significantly. Most importantly though, I’m burning out on it and I want a change.
I’ve begun researching opportunities to change career paths. I’ve started looking into certificate courses to give me a starting knowledge base. It’s not a big step, not yet, but it’s taking me down the path toward one.
I just don’t want to wish away any more of my life. I don’t want to look back later and regret not taking action. Wishes don’t change your life, which is something that honestly every Disney movie ever has tried to teach us. I am in charge of shaping my life and if I want a career better suited to following B around, then I need to reach out and work for it.
It’s uncharted territory for me. New ground, terrifying, and exciting. I’m lucky, I know. Not many people get the chance to reevaluate in their late 20s and decide to change course. I have a husband who is more than willing to help me with this switch, regardless of upfront costs or issues. I have the chance to take one of my wishes and make it reality through hard work.
Here goes nothing, wish me luck?