I’ve been married for three years now. That is beyond strange to type, think, conceptualize, or otherwise deal with. Surely it was just yesterday that we met, surely it isn’t closing in on four years since the whirlwind that was our courtship began. I was still processing our engagement when I had to “plan” our elopement. I actually did run around town trying to find a dress to wear, before defaulting to one that I could endure, though not one that I even came close to loving. We debated the ups and downs of telling friends and family. Well, sort of, I only saw B for roughly 10 hours across that entire week as his work was a bit insane.
I’m planning a weddinged ceremony and reception for our fourth anniversary. That is also strange to think about. Unlike being married for three years though, this one is also strange to talk about. I can’t sympathize with another planning friend without getting the questions about, aren’t you already married. I feel awkward talking about my plans because I feel like I have to justify them. To justify why, four years later we’re doing this. To explain that no, we’re not doing it for gifts, or because we don’t feel married, or because we want to replace our actual wedding memories.
I shouldn’t have to explain myself to anyone. But I do.
When I married B, I knew that I loved him. I knew that I wanted to spend life with him – whatever that would entail. I knew that he meant more to me than words could adequately express. It was a surreal moment in time, as we stood under a tree on a windy day, laughing when the officiant asked us for the rings and we had to explain to her that there were no rings.
Next year, when B and I stand before friends and family and renew our vows, we aren’t trying to replace any memories. What we are doing is reaffirming the love we share. What we’re doing is saying that we’ve seen the ups and downs of life and each other and that we still choose each other. That through it all, there is no one else either of us would rather go through life with.
And that isn’t so strange after all.