For the last few months I’ve been working really hard at being the kind of friend that I would want to have. I’m trying to comment more on blog posts, because everyone loves comments. I’m trying to invite people to go do things – from lunch to movies to beach days. I’m even getting up early twice a week to go swim just because I was invited to do so. I get up early the other three days to run because another girl wants to train for a half marathon with me. I’m offering up my time and resources to take people to run errands if their car hasn’t made it here yet. I’m really just trying to be the friendly, open, person that I would want to be friends with.
The good news is that it’s having a positive effect on me. I have more energy and feel great from getting up early and working out – the social side is a huge bonus. I also feel good about my attempts to be friendly and expand our social circle. The turnover rate is high over here, so it’s important to make friends as they come in, because you say goodbye again so quickly.
The bad news is that it doesn’t seem to be having any effect on my having actual close friends. I’m out there issuing invites and showing up to things and constantly being left out in the cold.
I’m not sure what’s going on. I wish I knew if the problem was me and if so what I was doing wrong. I know that my husband has made political enemies here, but I really didn’t expect that to extend to my being made unwelcome. I know that I have high standards, I expect people to keep their commitments and not bail on plans, but I hold myself to the same standards and do not back out of things I’ve said that I’ll do. I know that I work where most spouses don’t which takes away from the time I can spend with others, but I have a pretty open schedule and it never keeps me from being able to get lunch.
I don’t know if it’s this place and if it just attracts lousy friends or if it’s the limited amount of people that are here or what. I do know that I’m tired of crying, tired of being left out, and tired of having people bail out on previously set plans. But I’ll keep doing it, I’ll keep being the friend that I would want to have, and hopefully it will pay off eventually.