Being the Friend

For the last few months I’ve been working really hard at being the kind of  friend that I would want to have. I’m trying to comment more on blog posts, because everyone loves comments. I’m trying to invite people to go do things – from lunch to movies to beach days. I’m even getting up early twice a week to go swim just because I was invited to do so. I get up early the other three days to run because another girl wants to train for a half marathon with me. I’m offering up my time and resources to take people to run errands if their car hasn’t made it here yet. I’m really just trying to be the friendly, open, person that I would want to be friends with.

The good news is that it’s having a positive effect on me. I have more energy and feel great from getting up early and working out – the social side is a huge bonus. I also feel good about my attempts to be friendly and expand our social circle. The turnover rate is high over here, so it’s important to make friends as they come in, because you say goodbye again so quickly.

The bad news is that it doesn’t seem to be having any effect on my having actual close friends. I’m out there issuing invites and showing up to things and constantly being left out in the cold.

I’m not sure what’s going on. I wish I knew if the problem was me and if so what I was doing wrong. I know that my husband has made political enemies here, but I really didn’t expect that to extend to my being made unwelcome. I know that I have high  standards, I expect people to keep their commitments and not bail on plans, but I hold myself to the same standards and do not back out of things I’ve said that I’ll do. I know that I work where most spouses don’t which takes away from the time I can spend with others, but I have a pretty open schedule and it never keeps me from being able to get lunch.

I don’t know if it’s this place and if it just attracts lousy friends or if it’s the limited amount of people that are here or what. I do know that I’m tired of crying, tired of being left out, and tired of having people bail out on previously set plans. But I’ll keep doing it, I’ll keep being the friend that I would want to have, and hopefully it will pay off eventually.

~The Countess~


About texancountess

I find myself in the calming roar of the sea, floating gently on the foam of the breaking waves. Blue. Green. Gray. The colors of the sea mark the boundaries of my soul. The tumbled glass finds its polish under the relentless pounding of the waves upon the shore. Thus am I. Rough transitioning to polish, refinement ever a process, finding my niche in the storms of life.
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5 Responses to Being the Friend

  1. Stereo says:

    Bite your tongue, girl.
    Sometimes, your closest friends just don’t live in the same place as you ♥

  2. AMargaretV says:

    When my husband and I first got married I really put myself out there in the military spouse community to try to make friends. I had a similar experience as you, I put in so much effort but didn’t really gain any close friendships. It started to hurt my feelings and take a toll on my self-esteem.
    But over time I realized that not everyone is going to like you. Just like you don’t like everyone. And that is OKAY! It’s not that you are doing anything wrong, or there is something wrong with you, it’s just not a good fit. Whether that be personality, children vs. no children, hobbies, etc. Not every person you make an effort to become friends with is going to click with you. It’s just a matter of trying not to take it personally and make it about you

  3. Ugh, this is so hard. I tried it for awhile, & honestly, I became weary of it – because making new friends, good ones, is just emotionally exhausting & not at all easy. I still don’t have many friends where I live – which is, certainly, much further from my close friends than Turkey is – but instead of focusing on my lack of day-to-day people, I’ve tried to focus on maintaining & growing friendships with my faraway friends. Visiting, Skyping, talking on the phone, texting, sending cards or emails, just letting them know I’m thinking of them, even if distance is a burden. I really like the friends I have, & though I’d love to have some closer by, I’ll settle for knowing that my relationships with the existing long-distance ones remain strong. Good luck! <3

    • Thanks so much for this advice. I really do need to be better at cultivating the good friendships that I do have, regardless of the distance. I seem to only have an on or off mode for friendships – either I’m out there as much as possible both online and in person or I’m completely shut down. I need to work on balancing that.

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