I learned something while I was back home in the US. Actually, I learned a lot of things, but this particular lesson was learned mostly by coming back home. In order to quit saying the word learned a thousand times, I’m just going to spit it out.
It’s okay to be selfish. It’s okay to carefully guard your time with others. It’s okay to choose your friends carefully. It’s okay to put yourself first.
This is not a new thing. It’s not some grand thing, but for a natural born people-pleaser like myself, it’s pretty life changing. I always thought that if someone else needed something of me that whatever it was needed to top my priorities. I thought that I should try to be friends with everyone, try to do all the things.
It was impossible in Vegas to do all the things and be best friends with every person there. I chose to be selfish and spend most of my time with my dearest Stereo. And that was okay. While I would have loved to spend more time with more people, there were limits on what I could do.
Since coming home, I’ve been more selfish with my alone time. Here’s something else I’ve discovered; being married and off at the same time doesn’t mean we have to do something together every minute of that time. It’s okay for me to read and him to play computer games. I do not have to sit on my computer and kill time in eager anticipation of when he’s done, only to pick a fight because he played longer and I was bored.
I’m a slow learner, I know.
Seriously though, this is rocking my world. I’ve chosen more times in this last week to just sit and read while he’s not at work, than I have in many of the preceding months all put together.
It’s making us a better couple. We both feel free to do what we want and then, when we do spend time together, we actually have things to talk about. Or we don’t mind watching a movie or playing a video game together, because we’ve done the other things we want to do.
Extending outward, I think I’m finally learning that it’s okay to put myself before my friends. It is okay to be angry at them when they bail last minute on plans. It’s okay to refuse to participate in their attempts to hijack previously set plans. It’s even okay to not be friends with them anymore.
That’s not an easy thing for me to say. Again, I’ve spent many years trying my best to make everyone around me happy, while making myself kind of miserable. It’s kind of nice to realize that I don’t have to do that all of the time.