our Loki with his towel ascot

our Loki with his towel ascot

Last night, as B was working on his homework, or maybe chatting with some friends back in the States about a side project, I started a blog post. Luckily he finished in time to save the spiral that I had entered in and kept me from sinking further. My mind was whirling a hundred miles a minute about all the things that I had to worry about. In short, I was being irrational.

Sadly, that’s something I do quite a bit. I have a phobia of the unknown, which is ridiculous since I also despise routine and like adventure. But, it seems that not knowing how things will work out leaves me queasy. Add in a hefty dose of hormones and all manner of small problems can seem insurmountable.

I’m always glad when the storm breaks, even if I wish that it would never come in the first place. I’m tired of stressing over things that I cannot control and worrying because things will be new or different. It’s not even like this is all the time, because it isn’t. Mostly just when I’m overly tired and hormonal. There are still things that are bugging me that I will probably be blogging about in the near future, but hopefully from the eased stance of sanity and rational thought as opposed to the frantic scurryings of my irrational mind.

One of the biggest things that helps me is reminding myself that it is okay to feel my feelings. It is okay to have concerns over adopting a new dog and how that will affect B, our old dog, and me. It is okay to know that I will miss B like crazy when I travel back to the US in May, especially on the long flights that I never sleep on. It is okay to be sort of sad that my 3 year anniversary comes up this year and that instead of spending the day in front of family finally having a ceremony it will once again be put off. It is okay for me to feel my feelings. What isn’t okay is letting them overwhelm me and turn me into a mess.

Anyone know how to keep that magic balance?

~The Countess~


About texancountess

I find myself in the calming roar of the sea, floating gently on the foam of the breaking waves. Blue. Green. Gray. The colors of the sea mark the boundaries of my soul. The tumbled glass finds its polish under the relentless pounding of the waves upon the shore. Thus am I. Rough transitioning to polish, refinement ever a process, finding my niche in the storms of life.
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One Response to Irrational

  1. uncletypewriter says:

    You know what, love? You can be a mess sometimes because that is part of life. Breaking down for a little bit is not only normal but I’ve come to learn that is expected. Please be kind to yourself and don’t let anyone make you feel that your feelings are not important.

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