So Much

There’s been so much I’ve wanted to write about over the last couple of weeks. So many times that I’ve sat down, opened a draft, and deleted it after struggling over how to not-say the things I want to say. I can’t even guarantee that this will go live, I might delete it before that. I am definitely a stream-of-conscious style writer. I don’t plan posts ahead of time. I don’t proof read them after. I just open, write, and post. So not being able to talk about everything has been hard.

Y’all, a lot is going on in my little corner of the world. Some of it good, a lot of it not so good. I have hopes. I have fears. I have a fluorescent pink elephant hiding in the corner of my living room. Everyone tiptoes around it and pretends not to notice.

OPSEC seals my lips in a lot of cases. There are things that cannot be said for fear of the wrong person reading and learning the wrong thing. I don’t even know fully what would be safe to say, therefore I say nothing. I don’t want to make things more dangerous for anyone. I don’t want to cause problems for my husband or anyone he works with. So I sit here and don’t write. I share and delete in a vicious cycle.

We are all slowly going crazy over here. I can guarantee that. But it’s better to be safe, alive, and crazy than the other alternatives. So I’m going to trust our leadership. Trust their decisions. And hope that things will be better tomorrow. One day, I hope to look back on this time and laugh. Today I will just say that there is so much that I want to say but I will keep my lips sealed.

~The Countess~


About texancountess

I find myself in the calming roar of the sea, floating gently on the foam of the breaking waves. Blue. Green. Gray. The colors of the sea mark the boundaries of my soul. The tumbled glass finds its polish under the relentless pounding of the waves upon the shore. Thus am I. Rough transitioning to polish, refinement ever a process, finding my niche in the storms of life.
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One Response to So Much

  1. Stereo says:

    You can write, love. It doesn’t have to be online. Trust me, it’s just as cathartic in a notebook or a moleskine than it is on a blog ♥

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