Which One Will You Feed?

It’s been floating around facebook and pinterest again. I don’t remember how often it pops up, but it does so frequently enough that I remember it each time. I smile, I nod, and I think, I need to remember this, it’s important. And then, of course, as we are all want to do, I put it aside and think on other things. But this time, something inside me cried out and wants to hold on to this little story.

twowolves

See, I keep saying that this has been a bad year. And it has been a hard year. From losing Joel, Floyd, Grandpa Bill, Jessica, Robert, Pamela, and Mom Ann to moving to a new place and once again having to establish a home with friends and comforts. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve been through the toughest and darkest depression of my life this year. There just seems to be so much pain, hurt, and anger out there. So I’ve been feeding the wolf inside me with hurt, anger, resentment, and pain. I’ve dwelt on it and wallowed in it. I’ve railed against God, mankind, the universe, and everything in between. I just keep repeating that it’s been a hard year as if that explains away everything.

But I have a choice. I can choose to dwell on the hardships, or I can choose to embrace the good that has been hidden there all along. It may not be “big” goods or noticeable goods or even easy to understand good, but it is there. It’s hidden in the quiet dinners with my husband and our friends, it’s there in long walks with my rambunctious puppy. There is good, joy, love, and hope in every day of my life, but I’ve been ignoring it for the other. I’ve been holding on to resentments and pain that block my ability to see that which is good and happy. And I truly have no one to blame but myself. I need to learn to recognize the gold in my life, even when it does not glitter.

j.r.r. tolkien

j.r.r. tolkien

I don’t know exactly how, but I’m going to try to start feeding the right wolf. I want  to spend 2013 seeing the amazing blessings in my life, rather than being stuck on the few negatives. It may be a few weeks early, but I believe this is the beginning and end of my resolutions for next year. Each month I want to focus on something to change and recognize in my life. Each day I want to remember to feed the love, hope, and good in my life.

If you’d like to join me, I’d love to have company on this journey.

~The Countess~

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About texancountess

I find myself in the calming roar of the sea, floating gently on the foam of the breaking waves. Blue. Green. Gray. The colors of the sea mark the boundaries of my soul. The tumbled glass finds its polish under the relentless pounding of the waves upon the shore. Thus am I. Rough transitioning to polish, refinement ever a process, finding my niche in the storms of life.
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