Living

What does it mean to you to live life to the fullest? What does it mean to you to not waste life or days?

Something that has come to me over the past few months of waiting, is that it is all too easy to fall into a pattern of waiting for life to actually start. As kids, we can’t wait for the summer to start; as adults we live for weekends. We can’t wait to graduate high school and go to college. We can’t wait to graduate college, get a job, get married, have kids, go on vacation, send our kids off to college, and retire. We’re constantly waiting for something bigger and better to come along.

There are so many stories, jokes, and country songs about this theme. Though, to be fair, there’s a country song for everything, so maybe that one doesn’t count. But still, do I really want to look back on life and realize that I’ve spent most of it waiting for something to happen? I’ve been guilty of it in the past for sure. Especially recently. I’ve been oh-so-impatiently waiting to start work and less-than-patiently waiting to go on vacation to Germany and Prague.

But you know something? Our trip to Germany, while overall good, was not what I pictured out of it. On Saturday afternoon, while we were at our friend’s waiting for him to come back from a “quick errand” some 3 hours later and then to join him at a party of people we didn’t know…I started crying. I told B that this wasn’t what I expected and that I sort of wished I was back in Turkey. At that moment, I’d have rather been in Turkey missing Germany than been in Germany and still feel alone/empty/bored. So we scrapped the plan of going to the party and went to a movie instead. Later, we went out for a drink, just the two of us while our friend slept off his hangover from the night before. In other words, we quit waiting for him to be ready to go with us and we lived instead. We saw a movie we wanted to see and we just enjoyed a quiet moment at the pub (our favorite drinking hours are any of them before the crowd and noise starts up) and it was perfect.

I’m somewhat dreading July, for reasons I’ll go into more detail on at another date, but one thing I’ve realized is that I don’t want to countdown each day to the weekend, or each week to vacation, or each month until we move again. I want to live each moment, good and bad, in the here and now. I want to enjoy the little things in the day. The quiet moments cuddled next to B on the couch while he plays video games and I read. The simple pleasure of eating dinner together. The hilarity of taking our dog for a walk.

I don’t want to be so busy waiting for the next big thing, that I miss all of the wonderful little things in every day.

Yesterday, we had a power outage in the afternoon that affected all of housing. So I grabbed a friend and her three kids and we headed to the pool. We spent almost 3 hours out in the sun and splashing in the cool water. It was fun and relaxing. And so much better than looking at our watches and wondering when that power would be  back on. We had so much fun, that I actually lost track of the time and had to rush home to get dinner ready. It was awesome. I’ve spent a lot of time here waiting for friends and fun to come to me. And I guess that’s one of the problems inherent in waiting for something. It’s hard to see the potential all around you when you’re sighted in on something in the distance.

Today has been even quieter. But my simple joy today has been in a quiet day at home getting the laundry done. I also got on our elliptical for the first time since we moved back in February and watched part of a Firefly episode (part because I was watching the first one and it’s really long). No, these aren’t things that I would normally look forward to or wait on to happen. But they are things that are part of the simple parts of life. And I want to live each one as fully as I can.

What does it mean to you to live life to the fullest? What does it mean to you to not waste life or days?

~The Countess~

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About texancountess

I find myself in the calming roar of the sea, floating gently on the foam of the breaking waves. Blue. Green. Gray. The colors of the sea mark the boundaries of my soul. The tumbled glass finds its polish under the relentless pounding of the waves upon the shore. Thus am I. Rough transitioning to polish, refinement ever a process, finding my niche in the storms of life.
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One Response to Living

  1. Mary says:

    This is definitely something I’ve thought about extensively this year – how all I wanted my whole life was to be unburdened by my weight, to be able to go out and have adventures and be sincerely happy. I had it in Chicago, for a while. And the biggest reason for leaving California is because I didn’t feel it here. I may have a smaller body, but I’m not enjoying what it can do – I’m alive, but not living, if that makes sense. I’m looking forward to some of my own satisfying moments – you’re entirely right, they don’t have to be huge active moments. The quiet ones can be just as fulfilling, even moreso.

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