There’s something that I can’t quite explain, I’m so in love with you,you can never take that away.
And if I’ve said it a hundred times before, expect a thousand more. You can never take that away.
~Calling You by Blue October~
It was a Sunday afternoon. Sometime after church, and my two closest friends and I were driving to lunch. I was fighting the blues that come from being in a long distance relationship. I was less than a week from moving up to be with him. And I missed him, but I was also afraid of the changes that were looming.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. For those of you who don’t know, this is my story, and truly it is also my song.
We met on a Saturday night. The Saturday after Thanksgiving actually. Out at a country western dance hall called Cowboys. In San Antonio, every one knows Cowboys. He was a week out of a 1.5 year relationship that had been long distance for the last 3-4 months. I was in a non-dating mode after two cheaters in a row. I didn’t want to be there. He was drunk.We both thought this was the perfect thing for us. He needed a quick rebound relationship, someone to enjoy his last three weeks in town. I wanted a relationship that would end because of something other than infidelity. And so we went on a date, and then another, and then another. At the end of three weeks we didn’t want to say goodbye. So we decided to try the long distance relationship thing. Christmas came and went, we were talking and texting all day, every day. He visited in January, I visited in February, and he came to see me two additional times. This long distance thing was easy when we saw each other every other weekend. The pace slowed after that, but we promised to see each other at least once a month. There were only a couple of stretches longer than 5 weeks.
I remember calling him one night on my way from somewhere, not even sure where. I missed him so much that it physically hurt. I wasn’t sure how to even breathe through it. He told me that night, “it hurts to not see you, but I think it hurts more to hear your voice and not be able to see you, to hold you. Oh, I love you so much.” The warmth that rushed over me with his love, still envelops me today.
Back to that Sunday. It wasn’t a good day. I missed him. People didn’t take us seriously as a couple because most of them hadn’t met him. My plans to move up there in a week were not being warmly received. And someone had tried to sympathize with me by saying that she understood the distance because her boyfriend used to live two hours away. I was on my cell phone, checking my email and there was a message from him. It was typically short and to the point, much like he always is.
I was listening to this song cause I thought it was catchy, but then i kind of realized it really made me think of you and what i feel about you. So, here ya go, another eclectic pick from the files of me.
I downloaded the song to my phone immediately. And Calling You by Blue October filled my speakers. My eyes flooded with tears. I cried softly while smiling in the back of my friend’s van. I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with missing him. Overwhelmed by his love for me. Overwhelmed by knowing that it would be okay.
It is still our song. Whenever we finally get around to having a wedding ceremony and reception, it will be played. It is so apt for us. We started long distance and the military can send us long distance again any time they choose.
Every time that song comes on, we crank it up, sing it to each other, and by the end we’re just standing, rocking in each others’ arms. It takes me back to the first time I was assured that we had what it takes. I knew then, that whatever sacrifice I had to make to be with him was worth it.