Choosing Happy

When Amy pinned this the other day it really jumped out at me. I was in the middle of a weekend of wallowing over how miserable I was. I was lonely, homesick, melancholy, bored, weepy, and just no fun to be around. I will admit, especially when my hormones are just right, that I at times choose to be sad. There’s something about a grey attitude to match a grey day that appeals to something deep inside me.

Yes, that’s as messed up as it sounds. Here’s the thing, if I could just turn on and off being sad, it would be perfect. It would let me feel all mellow and blue when I wanted to, but then I would be back to being happy when I needed to be. Only problem is, it doesn’t work like that. So everytime that I choose to indulge in being sad, I can’t fight my way back up. And the more I choose to be sad, the harder it is to choose to be happy.

For the rest of this month I am going to make a concerted effort to choose to be happy. To choose to find something to smile about, something to be grateful for, something to enjoy. I am going to do my best to reject wallowing in the feelings of isolation, loneliness, and depression that surround me. I am hoping that by making this effort that I can beat back the cloud that’s been hanging over my head.

Now, I know that it’s not always as simple as that. And I know that I suffer a bit from Seasonal Affectation Disorder. I’m a girl who likes her warm sunshine. But, I refuse to just give in and make myself and B miserable all the time. We get little enough time together right now as it is. And I don’t want to be all mopey when I am with him.

My focus points for accomplishing this goal are:

1. Finding 3-5 things to be thankful for every day. Reminding myself of everything I have to be thankful for will hopefully remind me that I have an amazing life.

2. Exercising every day. I need my endorphins.

3. Just choose happy. I know that there isn’t always a choice, but a lot of times I can choose to be happy. I’m going to try and make the better choice in this and be happy instead of sad.

All I know is that I can’t keep living by staring off dolefully into the grey outside my window. This is my effort to change and find the blue skies that are hidden behind the clouds.

~The Countess~


About texancountess

I find myself in the calming roar of the sea, floating gently on the foam of the breaking waves. Blue. Green. Gray. The colors of the sea mark the boundaries of my soul. The tumbled glass finds its polish under the relentless pounding of the waves upon the shore. Thus am I. Rough transitioning to polish, refinement ever a process, finding my niche in the storms of life.
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One Response to Choosing Happy

  1. koko1991 says:

    I hope this works out for you!

    A couple of years ago, I realised that I had become a generally “depressed” and emo like individual. I realised that I was never quite happy and wasn’t even sure if I truly felt anything at all. So I decided to be happy. And miraculously, it actually worked! I felting happier and trouble free.

    I really do think happiness is a mindset; it’s controllable, just like any other emotion. How do you think great actors do it? They wouldnt be very convincing if they didn’t feel the emotions for real on some level!

    It is difficult to keep up though. I’ve stopped being actively happy now but that’s okay because I no longer have that emo mindset. I think active happiness probably helped me be healthier emotionally.

    Anyway, sorry for the essay comment! Would love to hear a follow up from you on this. Best of luck. :) xx

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