If you know me then you probably know that stressing is my favorite way of coping with things. There is some sado-masochistic part of myself that actually likes to feel stressed. Maybe it makes me feel improtant/needed or maybe I just like the relief that comes with getting through things.
Case in point, when I was in grad school I used to stress over two things. Money and my thesis. Money because I was trying to take out the minimum in loan amounts and still live the high life (hey I did it) and the thesis, well because it was an 80,000 word document that held my graduation in the middle of it’s confusing and meaningless pages. And I would stress about these constantly. My night-time routine consisted of trying to write on my thesis until I was so tired I would just collapse into bed. If I didn’t then I’d spend the night in bed like this, “ooh, here’s a good idea for thesis” and start writing my thesis in my head until I finally got up and actually started working on it. Or, even better like this, “so, I get paid tomorrow and then this bill comes out on x, this bill on y, and then on z I get more money, okay good that all comes out right,” only I’d repeat it ad nausea until I had to get up and add/subtract it all out with a calculator.
Post grad school, once my financial situation was golden I’d let work situations stress me out. Concerts, field trips, over bearing parents, under involved parents, the works. I’d run around like crazy and in a bit of a frantic whirl trying to make sure everything got done.
I’m tired of it. I didn’t sleep at all last night. Now, I know that the excitement of going to Turkey headed all of that up, but there was more to it than that. We’ve decided to sell my car and I listed it last night. Upon going to bed my brain starts running through everything I’ll need to take care of for that and turned straight to stressing over getting the dog’s records all updated. Now, I’m sitting on my couch after being up for 5 hours on less than three of sleep and my stomach hurts and I just can’t do it anymore.
To top it all off, B is having difficulty getting things going because the AF seems to forget that while we’re administratively attached to Texas we’re physically in Germany. So he can’t get his orders because they have to come from Texas. He’s up on base right now trying to see what he can do. Part of getting his orders is making sure I’m command sponsored. That just means that military deems me healthy enough to live on a military base and be cared for by military doctors because I won’t have any other options. Hello, guess what I already have to even be able to live here? Yep, command sponsorship.
He’s been texting me about it all morning while I watch our poor puppy be miserable because he got four shots today. And I was stressing over the puppy reacting okay to the shots and then the news that it’s all going to be tight and I just won’t do it anymore.
I texted him back, “I’m not going to worry about it. It’s all going to work out and we’ll end up in Turkey.”
And you know something? That’s the truth. Somehow, someway we’re going to sell my car, get orders, have our belongings shipped, pack suitcases, and head to the States for a quick trip all before settling in Turkey to start off 2012.
I was stressed out over the last move. I want to enjoy this one. And the next. Moving is going to be part of our lives. So is the AF’s crazy way of doing things. Stress though? I don’t have any room for it anymore.