We’ve all had those nights, you know the one’s. They come at the end of a long day or week. You meet up with friends, have a drink or three (or more, hey who’s counting?) and blow off the steam of whatever has been building up since your last trip out. You flirt with some random strangers, maybe with some friends, before you all make sure that everyone finally gets home safely.
A night out. Be they gender mixed or seperated, they’re important. In fact, the most dangerous thing you can do is underestimate their importance. They become even more important once you get married (or possibly just in to a serious relationship in the same area, I’ve never had one of those except in marriage, so I wouldn’t really know). Because, all of a sudden, all your dates out turn in to evenings in. And trust me, evenings in are nice, no one has to DD, everything is cheaper, and you can tailor it to suit your needs. Except for one. It doesn’t have the same releasing effects (at least for me) as a night out does.
But I want to focus on night’s out, not in. And I really want to look at gender based events. Namely guys’ nights and girls’ nights out.
Why is it that while we are so gung-ho for our version we so resent our SO for their’s? Seriously, why are girl’s so cool with shopping trip/movie/dinner excursions but get mad when their guy wants to go have beer and wings with the bro’s? Why do they insist that it’s a free world, so they can go eat at the same place at the same time?
It doesn’t make sense to me. Now, I get that sometimes those planned nights can just be about bad timing. Such as when I had just come home from a weekend away in Ireland, B had just spent the weekend with the guys getting totally smashed (they had a pregnant DD so they were all good), but he was still hungover when I got home. And then he went to a guy’s night the very next night. As it was the only night we had free all week, I was miffed.
But I didn’t keep him from going. I didn’t try and go to the same place. I just let him go. Because I know that he needs it. Not too long after that, we met another couple and all of a sudden, the guys nights disappeared. We did everything in a giant mixed group of couples and singles. But, it didn’t take long to start noticing that the singles were finding more and more excuses to not hang out.
Now, since B and I dated long distance and since we both had good married friends, we understand being friends with both spouses but also wanting just girl or just guy time. I think that may be what’s ailing our rapidly disappearing single friends. Actually, I know it is. Because a mixed night always has the couples kissing at least once, holding hands, ordering/sharing drinks, and just being cute together. Not to mention going home together. On a guys’ night – no one is kissing anyone, everyone is either out-eating or out-grossing someone, and they all go home alone.
But still, I don’t understand, what’s so hard about a guys’ night? Recently, a guys night for B and his friends fell apart because one of the fiancee’s wouldn’t let her man go. She tried to punish B for suggesting the idea but telling him that she was going to take me out and that we were going to get hit on and get free drinks and have a grand time without the guys. Which of course bothered him not one bit. Certainly no more than it bothers me when he goes out. I just don’t get not letting your partner have a night out with their friends.
We all need to be able to let off steam. And sometimes it’s easier to do in a gender specific group. The important thing is to remember that just as we need it, they do to.