It’s been a rough couple of weeks around here. I’ve been overly hormonal and sick, which are never good on their own, much less combined. I’ve taken some emotional blows from random strangers and the numbers on the scale. I’ve just wanted to give up.
But I’m fighting my way back now. After two missed weeks at the gym, I’ve made it the last two days. I have plans to work out tomorrow before work, Thursday after work, and Friday after work. We are planning on using the gym room at the different hotels along the way, knowing that we’ll miss a couple of days here and there due to events, but, planning to make it at least every other day.
I’m not going to lie and say that after 2 consecutive days working out that I feel just amazing. Because I don’t. These two workouts were hard. Really hard. I had to fight for every minute on the tread mill, I had to push through every repetition in the weight room. But I did it. I stuck with it, even when it wasn’t easy or fun. Amazing how far you can back slide in just two weeks. I’m taking it slow, not easy, but slow.
I’m still not sure if I’m going to rejoin back up with SFC. I was sabotaging my goals with it, and almost immeadiately found them overwhelming. My goals were the kind that worked for when it was just B and I at home in our “normal” routine. But add in visits and trips and it all fell apart. Some of it had to give in exchange for more important goals. I like the idea of it, I just didn’t plan it well considering all that was going on in my life at the time. I’ll still be out there reading and commenting though.
I haven’t been easy to live with over the last 2 weeks. I realized last night that I was still holding on to some things from months ago that I thought that I’d let go of. It’s crucial that I do so. They were coloring everything. And I do mean everything. Which is ridiculous.
I’m not pretending that it’s all rainbows and butterflies. It’s more like roses right now. Looks and smells good, but there are still some thorny moments. I’m okay with that. Every day is a renewed process of letting go. Every day is a new chance to begin again.
I’m setting my ship to right, and, even if it’s a long and thankless process, at least I’m starting.