~To turn, turn, will be our delight; til by turning, turning we come round right~
I’m hesitant to say that I hit rock bottom earlier this week. It wasn’t that bad. But emotionally, I ran out of energy. At one point, I’d gone to the kitchen for some water and I collapsed to the floor with sobs wracking my body. I went to my husband and he held me and we talked and talked and talked. Mostly I talked and he listened. He’s good at that. At holding me, at listening to me, at accepting what I’m saying.
Whatever it was, I’ve turned around from it. It took a different night, date night actually for me to find it. It’d been another rough day. I was supposed to be cooking dinner and I just didn’t want to. So we were curled up on the couch and I was just about to cry again, when B begged me not to. He said something about just wanting to make me happy.
And that’s when it hit me. Sometimes happiness, like love, has to be a choice rather than a feeling. Sometimes I have to choose to be happy rather than wait to feel happy. I chose it right then. I hopped up off the couch and told B to pick either french fries or onion rings to go with our grilled cheese and tomato soup. We went into the kitchen and laughed while making dinner.
Now, I know that there are bumps in the road ahead of me still. I still don’t have even a good acquaintance here in Germany. B still has way too many single friends who don’t get that we’re a package deal. But we’re on the same page. And even better, having chose happiness once, I’m finding it an easier choice to make now. When I could get sad or stay happy, I’m fighting to choose to stay happy.
I found my turning point. I’ve been spinning in circles trying to find my equilibrium, and finally, I’ve found my right place.
Tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift to be free
Tis a gift to come down where we out to be.
And when we find ourselves in a place just right,
Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gained
To bow and to bend we shan’t be ashamed.
To turn, turn will be our delight
Till by turning, turning we come round right.