Scott Pilgrim vs The World is a hilariously awkward movie. B and I saw it in Minot and he absolutely loved it. I wavered back and forth as I struggle with movies where the lead characters make really dumb mistakes and/or decisions. But overall I found it to be campy and fun. And today full of lessons worth learning.
I won’t give away too much of the plot, just in case you haven’t seen it and want to, but basically, Scott likes this girl and has to fight her Evil Exes. He goes into it not actually knowing what he’s getting in to and is reluctant, not to mention confused, at first. As the movie goes on, he starts to realize what is worth fighting for and learns some big lessons along the way.
It just left me thinking. What would you do if you met a guy/girl and knew that you’d have to put up with crap from their exes in order to be in a relationship with them? Would that totally scare you off? Would you decide it was worth it and stick around?
I’m the kind of girl who likes to know things up front. I had a rough patch (read break up and didn’t speak with for months despite going to the same church and having the same friends) with a guy I dated for awhile because he lead me to believe that we were exclusive when he was secretly dating another girl I knew. She knew all about the situation and was fine with it. I was not, because I hadn’t been given the choice to be fine with it. I want to be able to make the choice in the beginning – not half way through.
This is how I’ve been justifying being upset about the ex-sitchinario that I find myself in with B. He didn’t tell me until later in our relationship – until we’d been married for 3 months actually – that he was still friends with his ex and talked to her regularly. My protest was that if he’d told me early on, I wouldn’t have felt like it was a secret (duh) and that I would have felt included and therefore not upset by it. Except, that makes no sense. If I’d been told up front, I would have been fine with it, so how do I justify not being okay now?
Because we’re at the same spot now that we would have been then. I know that he’s friends with his ex and sends her messages. I know that he sees her as a friend who needs friends. I know that he doesn’t particularly care about getting together with her – ever. (That last one was huge for me, not sure why) I know that he says he learned a lot from their relationship – namely, everything he didn’t want in a relationship ever again. (That caveat was supposed to include going long-distance, so I’m glad he broke that one) I know that he loves and is married to me, not her. I know that I come first – he’s volunteered to cut contact several times since it first came up. I know that she isn’t a threat – she felt like one at first, but as of now I just feel sorry for her because she’s clinging to the past so hard that she’s hurting her chances for her own happily-ever-after.
If I’d been told on meeting B that I would have to put up with his slightly crazy ex (yeah, ask me what she sent us for Christmas and you’ll agree) in order to be married to and madly in love with him, I would have jumped in feet first. He’s worth it. She’s harmless. Partly because she really isn’t trying to steal him back (not that she could, he’s firmly mine with no thought to drifting) and mostly because he has my side through all of it. I can tell him when the little parts bug me or when I’m having a particularly bad day with the issue and he’ll reassure and hold me. Honestly though, unless I’m choosing to wallow in feeling bad, none of it bugs me anymore. I’ve always been the girl with more guy friends than girl friends, so I’m not threatened by opposite sex friendships.
Thank you Scott Pilgrim for opening up my eyes to the fact that I can still make the choice. Maybe I didn’t get my waiver notice up front, but I would have signed it then, so I have no problem signing it now. My choice is to accept it the way it is and frankly, it’s such a huge weight off my chest that I wish I had done this months ago. The choice is mine and I choose B with all the highs, lows, and crazy friends that entails.