One of my greatest fears in life is being forgotten. I’ve always felt like the girl who can be the life of the party until she leaves the room and then no one remembers her name. I worry that my friends only remember me as a friend if I contact them and that no one wants or remembers to reach out to me unless I start the conversation. Blogging has really helped this, because I’ve had many people reach out to me and show me that they remember me, even if they’ve never met me.
My next biggest fear is forgetting. I am made up of a collection of memories, learned behaviors, and independent thoughts – if I forget those then I lose an essential part of myself. Now, that’s not to say that there aren’t some periods in my life that I wouldn’t mind forgetting. Like six weeks of 2008 just before Labor Day…or is that Memorial Day…I always forget which comes first, but I want to forget the period right before the second. I may have learned some lessons, but, they sucked and learning them sucked even more. Still, what I learned during that time has played a key role in who I am as a person now.
2010 is different though. There isn’t a moment in 2010 that I would choose to forget. And there isn’t a moment that I wouldn’t mourn losing. Mostly because this year has been phenomenal, but partly because I feel like I reached a pinnacle of my life this year. 2010 is filled to the brim with memories of falling in love, getting married, moving, and making a new life for myself.
Still, this challenge is what I would do if I found out that I only had 5 minutes to remember everything important from 2010. It’s probably a good thing that I’m a fanatic about writing things down, because I have all of the dates of B and I’s dates and visits recorded down along with photographic evidence of quite a bit of it.
Here’s what I most don’t want to forget:
8 January when B first told me that he loved me. Introducing him to my parents and then meeting his parents several months later. The heady rush of love one night in the middle of a 3 hour phone conversation when he said that he loved me. The giddiness I felt the first time he told me to not renew my work contracts because I probably wouldn’t be in SA the next year if he had anything to say about it. Every moment of every trip I took to visit him. Every step along the path of falling head over heels in love. The floating happiness from the moment he proposed on 7 August. Shopping for my engagement ring with him and having to explain that I would wear this ring for the rest of my life. The crazy struggle to find someone to marry us with less than a week’s notice. Marrying the man of my dreams and my best friend on 17 August. The stress and hardship of both moves because those led me to the joy of living in a new place. Crying in my car as I crossed the Red River on my way out of Texas and again later when God Bless Texas came on the radio. Finding and furnishing our first home together. The anticipation of giving B his Christmas gift. Going to Brugge, Belgium with my husband. Losing my virginity. Saying goodbye to my parents on 23 July and calling them 10 times as I drove out of SA. Pulling a trailer for the first time, loaded with all my belongings across 1500 miles of empty roads. Drinking in a German bar for the first time. Waking up to my first Thanksgiving married to a world of snow.
Even with all of that, there’s so much more that I would be heartbroken to forget. This really has been a most amazing year. And remembering it – the good and the bad – is what will shape whto I am for an even better 2011.