There were so many moments this last year that caused me to pause in absolute wonder and amazement. My breath would catch, I would feel a rush of blood under my skin and I would ride the moment out, absorbing as much of it as I could to save and cherish later. There were big moments – life changing, earth shattering for me, and there were little moments that just quietly stole my breath.
I remember the first time B told me he loved me. I was shocked given that we hadn’t seen each other in three weeks and only dated for three weeks prior to that. As soon as I could speak again though I told him that I loved him too. There was a moment when we were on the phone aand he said my name and like a rush I realized how much I loved him and needed him. Over 30 minutes after I was off the phone with him I was still reliving that moment.
There was the moment when he proposed, the moment when we said I do, the moment we called my parents and his. There was stepping off the plane in Germany, standing at the top of the belfry in Brugge, Belgium. There was staring at the snowflakes sticking to my gloves and actually seeing their tiny perfection for the first time. There was Thanksgiving morning and waking up to the first blanket of snow that I’ve ever seen where I’ve lived. There were and are the many moments when my husband makes me realize how lucky I am – like when he made me realize why our Christmas tree was beautiful, when he took me to see a kid’s movie because he wanted to see it too, when he rolls over and pulls me in to hold me in the middle of the night.
All of these moments have caused me to pause in wonderment. Looking forward to 2011 I know that for me to continue to have these moments I have to live in the moment and appreciate all the small things. I have to fight against the jaded fatalism that surrounds me. I have to fight off the mundane. I have to look for the amazement and cherish it. It’s too easy to lose the ability to find wonder in the small things. I want to actively seek that feeling so that I don’t lose my ability to wonder.
I want a 2011 that is as wonder-filled as my 2010 was. I know that I cannot have the moments of falling in love, getting engaged, getting married and moving again. But I can contstantly remind myself of that wonder by being in awe that my husband loves me and finds me beautiful. I can see the snow and instead of thinking about the cold and driving hazards to see the beauty. To me wonder is about finding the beauty in the small, quiet moments. As long as I can do that, then I can live a wonder-filled life.