Married life is like a roller coaster. You get on it and you arduously climb a steep slope, then you’re hurtled up, down, upside down, and around and around. Getting off mid-ride is pretty difficult and often painful. Though, marriage is more like the roller coaster that never ends, it goes on and on my friends, some people start riding it not knowing what it is, and they’ll continue riding it forever, just because… (okay, I’ll stop there, and I apologize for getting that stuck in your head, if it makes you feel better, it’s now stuck in my head too)
There are the downs like learning to communicate. Because when you ask him what he wants for lunch he thinks he’s picking something you both have to eat. When really you just wanted to know what he was having so you could decide if you wanted that too. Then he feels like he got trapped into “picking wrong” because you don’t eat that too. And really, you just wanted to know what he wanted to help you make up your mind. And then you laugh about it after when you’re eating something completly different.
Communication is tough. It’s so easy to put a spouse in a corner when talking to them. B and I have the bad tendency of making the other pick activities, meals, anything. We’re really trying to just talk through options and not put either of us in a corner. But, as today’s lunch debacle proved, we have a ways to go with that being practiced easily. The idea here is that we both list things we want to do or eat and then we narrow them down together by eliminating the ones we don’t want. It’s taking some learning, but, I really think it’s going to help alleviate our number one communication problem.
Another down is load sharing. Sometimes it feels like girl makes dinner, girl clears table, girl cleans dishes, boy dries dishes. Girl sorts laundry, girl washes laundry, girl puts laundry away, boy plays video games and reads. I may or may not have had a breakdown today during the lunch debacle. Mostly because he won’t fix himself lunch. He waits for me to make it. Which means we kind of have to eat the same thing, because I’m not fixing two different meals for lunch. And I might have out and out said that I was tired of feeling like I always have to do everything.
The up is that he took the hint. He cleaned the kitchen while I got ready for work. Then he actually did the laundry while I was at work. 4 loads people. It’s washed and dried. I’ll handle the away putting. I was floored when he told me this. And he only told me because he wanted to know what cycle to run my clothes on. I married a serious winner. He said he’d debated putting our second bedroom together (it’s all our books and is a disaster) but decided that would be a fun one that we could do together and the laundry certainly isn’t fun.
Another up is having someone have your back. B has out and out said that he will never put up with anyone, be it his family or anyone we know, treating me badly. He has a line and if they cross it then they can deal with not having him in their lives. He’ll just hold me and listen when I’m upset about things. Incredibly, for a guy, he actually doesn’t try to problem solve when I tell him what’s wrong. He just listens and tells me it’s okay to be upset. Later he might give some possible fixes, but, he’s not gung ho for that while I’m in the midst of the crisis.
My favorite up is just him. He’s amazing. He has his faults, don’t get me wrong, he can drive me batty. But, he loves me. And I love him. He’s perfect for me. His foibles mesh with mine. His strengths counter my weaknesses. I know it’s a cliche, but, I would rather fight with him than make love to anyone else in the world. (Not that we really fight, I might get upset, but he’s quick to draw out why and help us get back on track.)
This roller coaster may have it’s crazy loops and death defying plummets, but it’s all mine. I’m not sharing and I’m not getting off. Go find your own.