Writing it out

I have read many times that when you’re upset with someone you should write them a letter and then burn it. Deleting it is probably more appropriate terminology for today, but the advice has always intrigued me. I mean, how does dwelling on how you’re upset with someone make things better? How does rehashing what it is that upsets you get you over it? Especially since you don’t give it to the person. I couldn’t figure out how it would help. Until I tried it.

I was upset with B today. Nothing major, just a little something that had gotten under my skin. Only, it had gotten in there deep like a nasty splinter and was festering. Now, B is gone all day everyday this week with his handball training. So, I couldn’t even talk it out with him. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Because it made me feel jealous and petty. And I don’t like feeling that way.

I opened up a word document and started typing. My goal was to lay out my thoughts so I could talk about them with him when he got home tonight. I didn’t hold back, I was very specific with why I was upset about the situation. I then had to go teach a lesson. When I came home it was still open so I started over. I again wrote out why I was upset but it focused on just the one thing about the situation that actually upset me. I was able to set aside a lot of the silliness and focus on what actually hurt me. The last time I wrote it I got about two lines. The document has been closed unsaved now. The words are a memory. So to is the slightly crazed upsetness that I experienced this morning.

Why? I just wrote about it. I didn’t talk to him about it at all. I haven’t solved any part of the so-called problem. It’s all still there. The only thing I can figure is that by writing it out I validated my own feelings. I told myself that it was okay to be upset by this situation. I allowed myself to feel these things instead of denying them. I also was able to distill through all the hormones and perceived jealousies to the heart of the issue. I plan on addressing that with B. But it will be sans all the crazy girl-ness that he might of gotten without this exercise.

What can I say? I’m a believer in this now. I was able to process a lot of junk without exposing my husband to it. Next time you want to just light into someone, stop and write out why. And then trash it. Keep doing it until you get the emotions out. The results might just surprise you.

~The Countess~

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About texancountess

I find myself in the calming roar of the sea, floating gently on the foam of the breaking waves. Blue. Green. Gray. The colors of the sea mark the boundaries of my soul. The tumbled glass finds its polish under the relentless pounding of the waves upon the shore. Thus am I. Rough transitioning to polish, refinement ever a process, finding my niche in the storms of life.
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4 Responses to Writing it out

  1. I agree with you. I’ve noticed just through my blogging that it lets me analyze my thoughts more clearly before facing an issue. Good stuff; thanks for sharing.

  2. Megan says:

    That’s a good idea. I like the drafts idea because it seems like with each one you get more specific and get to the real issues and it definitely helps you work it out before going after someone with all your crazy totally misguided. It’s a good thing you took some time to breathe, your marriage will no doubt be better for it!

  3. emjaye says:

    As I type I have an email typed out, sitting in my open email, with the recipient’s address in the To box. I’m walking on a wire and wanted to come back and read this post to see if the wonderful Texan Countess could talk me down. I do feel better for just writing it, but it’s also a lot of things I want to say to him so I’m clicking send. Eek.

    • Yeah, so, the second half to my story is that B came home from a long day of work that day and we talked it out until 0330 that night. Some things have to come out and be said. I still believe in writing things out and going through drafts, but, I also believe in being honest with people and giving them a chance to know what’s up and to share their side of the story. I hope it worked for you.

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