I’m yet again sitting in our hotel room waiting for B to come home. This has become an all too familiar part of my daily routine. When we were in Minot he would work 15 hour days two to three days in a row (or sometimes seven like the week we got married) and I never had quite the problem that I do here. There I was looking for a job, cooking dinner, cleaning, planning our move, planning our wedding (do you know how hard it is to get a JP lined up in less than a week?) while here I am…waiting. All job applications are done online. And mine have all been received. One is even under review finally (yeah, I can say finally, I submitted this before we left Minot a month ago). I get all mopey because I’m home alone in the evenings here. After all, it’s not like B works days though he has been gone all day today.
I don’t know where I got the idea in my head that I had to stay here during his evening practices, but I did. My first pick for escaping was to join an evening class at the gym. That way I could go 4 days a week and the website said they offered Pilates and an abs class during the right nights. Then we stopped by the gym to check and the classes had all been moved an hour earlier. So they wouldn’t work. Again, I got all mopey because I wouldn’t have anything to do while he was gone. My second thought has been to just go to the gym and workout while he’s gone. Friday was my first planned attempt at this and the gym was closed due to a stand down day. Ensue more mopiness. (I’ve now been mopier in one post than I had been in several preceding years)
Tonight I finally just went for a run along the quaint streets of Ramstein. See, quaint streets:
I came back and did some crunches. I feel great. I feel healthy. I feel unmopey. (huzzah!) The rest of my time today has been spent reading blogs and designing the blog I’m launching for family and friends back home to follow specifically about our life over here. Again, mopiness has been banished.
Another point I’ve been struggling with is making friends. A couple that’s in a prime position to reach out to us, being in the same program and knowing how it feels to be new in country, have almost gone out of their way to not be friendly. I realized yesterday that except for one visit to a church in Minot with a dear friend there, that I haven’t been to church since July. Even then, I was already pulling away from that church family because of the lack of support for my move. When none of them congratulated me on getting married, I cut pretty much all ties with that one. (not hard since I was already in another state)
B and I are now beginning the process of church hunting over here. He’s quite insistent on it actually. He’s the one who brought up how long it’d been since I’d gone. And we’re going to turn on our super-friend-making powers so that we can get some people to meet up with for cheap bowling (dollar Mondays) and free pool (gotta love USAF community centers) or maybe even some food. Seriously, we’ve discussed standing in front of the passenger terminal on base and look for lost/lonely people. We’re starting to be the experts around here. Once we have a car we’ll be really popular. (because you can’t rent a car as a USAUER/USAFE/DOD/or SOFA member until you have an approved license)
What really struck me in all of this was the traps that I fell into – B isn’t here so I just have to sit around and mope; the gym classes don’t work there goes exercise; the gym is closed there goes exercise; I don’t have a job there goes friends; people aren’t reaching out to us how are we going to make friends – every single thought there is a trap. It’s a pitfall and excuse blaming my circumstances for my mood, my lack of exercise, my everything. I’ve allowed myself to be mopey because I have to have another microwaved meal and I don’t want it. (I am proud of me for actually microwaving and eating said meal – sometimes I won’t) I’m excusing my behavior rather than forcing myself to make a good decision and make myself happier.
Tonight’s run not only burned calories for me, it cleared my head and helped me see the traps I’ve been falling into. Hopefully now that I see them I can avoid them and get back to enjoying life. I’m tired of being mopey. No more excuses. Only solutions.