Crying Will Out

You know how there are essentially two kinds of people in the world? Those who bottle everything up and those who just let stuff run right through them? (As an aside, isn’t that just a lovely mental picture?) I mean, sure there are those mostly unflappable souls, but lets face it, most of us find ourselves flapped by something during life. How do you handle it?

Do you just brush aside the inconsequential details until they become consequential? Do you find yourself faced with being angry about all the little things that have become a huge thing? Or, do you become mildly upset over the little things but not much and then find them staying small? Or do you get very upset over every little thing?

I’m ever so curious. See, B and I have still yet to have a fight or a disagreement. He told me yesterday that he’s afraid that I’m bottling things up for them to explode later. But, that’s not me. I’m a feel it in the moment and get it done with, kind of girl. Case in point, I was upset yesterday evening (and hormonal, but that’s a whole other can of worms) and so I cried about some fairly inconsequential things. I feel much better today for it. Normally I would have just thought everything over, talked about why it upset me and then be better. But, when I’m hormonal, I cry about it. And then I’m better.

Sunny can testify to this. She’s witnessed many crying storms. And endured many phonecalls when I couldn’t even  tell her what was wrong. Mostly because I don’t always know myself. My body will betray my mind and I’ll cry about things that I didn’t even know had upset me…but, again, only when I’m hormonal. I think that’s the only time where my logical brain cannot overwhelm my female emotions. (See, I told you this was a can of worms)

And yet, it proved my point to B. Because, I’m no longer remotely upset about what I cried over (none of it his fault anyway) and I bear no grudge against anyone for it. I’m like a seive and the tears are the water that wash away life’s ills leaving me only with the happiness to hold on to. And I choose to be this way. I wouldn’t be any other way.

I have definitely mellowed out over the last couple of years. Living alone and then with a family of four and then alone again will do that to you. You learn to adjust plans, to go with what others want, to eat something you’d rather not for dinner, and so much more. Mostly though, I learned to hold my tongue. And to weigh wether what I had to say really needed saying or if I was responding to the heat of the moment. I’ve never had much of a temper. (our shouting matches in college don’t count, right Myobi?) But, I just find that I can’t be bothered to get angry about much of anything. Life is too short to be angry over little things.

Such as, it absolutely does not bother me when B wants to spend his evenings playing video games. It’s how he unwinds. I do so with a book. If I absolutely feel the need to do something, I will tell him, but that generally only happens when I’ve had a miserably lonely day at home (which mostly I don’t because I try not to). And it doesn’t bug me in the least that he leaves the toilet seat up, I mean, I always leave it down, so we both have to do some adjusting. (And I’ve only almost fallen in once, and that was at 0500 and I was barely awake)

In my seive of life, the things that could be irritating get washed right away. Whether by tears or happiness, it doesn’t matter. I’m not holding it inside of me. I’m letting it go. Before I even know it bothers me. And I feel so much more peaceful. Now, if only I could apply this to dealing with traffic…but no, even a saint would curse in traffic.

~The Countess~

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About texancountess

I find myself in the calming roar of the sea, floating gently on the foam of the breaking waves. Blue. Green. Gray. The colors of the sea mark the boundaries of my soul. The tumbled glass finds its polish under the relentless pounding of the waves upon the shore. Thus am I. Rough transitioning to polish, refinement ever a process, finding my niche in the storms of life.
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