It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it ws the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way.
– Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
There’s so much I need to say. San Antonio is amazing. And yet, it’s not easy being in a new city. I still feel like I’m in limbo. Like I’m waiting for something to come and happen to settle my life. I’m trying to trust in God.
Living with my friends is wonderful and challenging. Wonderful because I have dear friends who are good Christians that nurture and encourage me. Challenging because I’m a selfish individual used to living alone and struggling to adapt to living with a family. That, and because I wish I was in bed, but I have an awake two-and-a-half year old who isn’t tired.
The job hunt is interesting. I have a second interview with Gymboree on Monday. I’m praying that they’ll offer me a job so that I can start earning a steady paycheck asap. It’s hard to trust God, when the bank account is empty and the prospects seem bleak.
Socially, I’ve seen quite a bit of my friends here in town. I was hoping to meet the worship team at church tomorrow, but, that isn’t going to happen because I have to accompany a competition. And, things will get better. I’ll start meeting people. Hopefully I can find God’s will for me in this town. Because right now I feel adrift, lost, afloat. It’s rather unsettling.
I waver between being this bubbly and happy girl who is thrilled and excited to be living this life right now to being on the verge of tears, terrified and lonely. The only thing I know for sure is that God is good and just. And that it is in his power alone that I stand at all.
In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev’ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow’r of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand.
I pray this song in my life right now. And in it, and in him, I find peace, hope, and love.