Five for Friday, v. 17

IMG_1791 one I flew home to help host my sister’s baby shower. Did I take a single picture with my sister? Nope. With my Mom? Nope. Of my sister and Mom? Nope. Did I come up with the brilliant idea to take a picture of all the guests with their decorated quilt squares and my sister in time to do so at the shower? Nope. See, I got distracted. My BIL has been refinishing my sister’s childhood dresser for the nursery. He was trying to finish on Saturday and I kicked him off of cleaning at one point to make him eat. And then I couldn’t stop thinking about those damn brass pulls. We finished them that day because I was so invested in getting that dresser up those stairs. I love projects and giving old furniture new life. My BIL did an amazing job with the dresser and I’m so glad I got the chance to help finish it. Even if my hands smelled like vinegar and brass polish for the next 24 hours.

IMG_1782two Friendships are a funny thing. There are people who I was damned sure would always be part of my life who are now no more than facebook acquaintances of mine. And then there’s my BFF, my partner in crime, my soul sister. I quoted Emily Bronte in my wedding vows, “whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” Well, hers and mine are also the same. Our core essence is the same stuff. I had no clue when I first met her at bible study that this many years later we would still talk almost daily, that we would still visit each other every chance we got. We’re already counting down to our next get together and I am so glad she’s in my life. I’m a better person because of knowing her.

IMG_1797three I missed my boys while I was gone. They really do make my world go round. B is my rock, who pushes me to be the best me. I hope that I’m half as good of a partner to him as he is to me. I came home from a trip away to have him immediately encouraging me to plan the next. And pushing me to start a time consuming hobby to have something for me. Then, even better, he started running with me. We don’t run together, but we run at the same time. And he’s told me he will happily match me on miles as he can. It’s one of those little things that makes me fall even more in love with him. He wants me to be the best me.

IMG_1802four I love my students so much. One of my little fiddle students brought me the above flower at her lesson this past week. The kids that I teach are such an awesome part of my life. I love knowing that I make a difference in their little lives. I love figuring out their learning methods. I love watching them progress. I love the silly stories that they have to tell me. I love that I get to do this thing, where I get to be part of so many lives, and make a difference, no matter how small.

IMG_1798-0five I’ve been a little lost over the last few years. One move after another has ripped me away from my job, my friends, and my routine. I’ve clung tightly to B. Suffocating him. Suffocating us. There was a time that I was out with different friends every night of the week. I miss that. I miss the community of leaning on many people. It isn’t fair to B that I now rely on him for everything. I don’t even really know how to go about making local friends, but I’m going to try. We’re putting down roots here and I’m ready to rebuild my community. My work is taking off, I’m investing in myself with the running, and it’s time to find people besides just my husband to lean on.

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Housing Updates

We’re still muddling our way through the Escrow process. We’re currently collecting all of our documentation to prove funds, explain B’s job change, etc for the underwriters. My favorite is that they need proof that we paid for the earnest money, which isn’t even just the copy of the deposited check but requires proof that it cleared our bank account. Luckily, this will happen when we give them the bank statements. One of the big no-nos in escrow is evidently moving money between accounts. You know, consolidating your money so you can close escrow. So, we have to prove that our mutual funds were ours, that we sold them, and that we now have the money in our account. It feels stupid. B’s parents are helping us with the down payment and we have to document all of that too. It’s driving me batty.

We did our first walk through, which is actually late in the game for our builder. It’s a pre-floor walk through which means that everything else is in (minus the fridge and washer/dryer) and they talk us through all the ins and outs of the house. We found out nice things like that our ceiling fans can weigh up to 75 lbs, that they install very low profile sprinklers so you don’t have the little things jutting out from the ceiling, and that we will have key-less entry on our front door. On that latter, if we had known that the front door had that we probably wouldn’t have added it to our garage door, but it’s always nice to have an extra way in to your home without needing keys. I’m glad that if people are visiting with a car and they show up when we aren’t home they can park in our garage without needing us there. Also, we can evidently program a temporary code into our front door entry to let people in for repairs. Speaking of which, they schedule us for 1-2 hours of touch up painting after we move in to make things perfect and they do the same following our ten month survey so that we go in to our 1 year mark with a perfectly finished home.

Now they’re starting our flooring and at our next walk through everything should be perfect and ready for us to move in. We’ve decided that the first thing we’ll be doing after closing is painting the bedrooms, the nook where the piano is going, and any walls that a tv will be mounted on so that we’re ready for move in day. Then we need to get the shutters for the windows (we’re like 90% certain that B will be on nights next, so he has to be able to sleep during the day which means we have to be able to block out all the light) and the rest of the furniture. And then we can move. Luckily we have a couple of weeks between closing and having to give up our apartment, so there’s plenty of time.

I am so ready to move. They’ve been redoing the floors of our parking garage, which means that all 200+ of us who park under our building have been sharing one narrow lane in and out for the last three weeks. Every time I’ve driven home, I’ve reminded myself that soon I will have my own two car garage that I just have to share with B. Of course, he’s an obnoxious parker, so that could actually cause problems for us. Today they tested the fire alarms in every apartment. Which means that the building alarms were going off for over 2 hours. Again, I kept reminding myself that soon we would be in our own home.

The only thing I’ll miss about here is that I know my running routes. It will be a pain to move right when I’m supposed to be running 7, 8, 9 miles. Otherwise? I cannot wait to be in our home.

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Weekly Wishes

Oh what a weekend it has been. I flew back to Texas and spent not quite enough time with my family before coming home to Cali. We ate, drank, and were quite merry. We celebrated a life about to be. We simply were. It was pretty much perfect.

Reflections – Lows:

I said a lot of goodbyes this week. First to B while I was in Texas. It was his first work cycle where I wasn’t home to let Loki out during the day, fix his lunches when he was late, and have dinner ready when he walked in. Luckily for him, it was his week with the lowest amount of OT. Then I had to say goodbye to my family. I cried at the airport this morning. It’s not easy to say goodbye when you’re not sure when you’ll see them again.

Reflections – Highs:

I spent wonderful time with my family this week. My Mom, Dad, Sister+fam, BestSister (aka my BFF who is my soul sister), Aunt, Grandfather – I saw them all. Moving away has definitely made me appreciate my family more.

I signed up for a half marathon tonight. I’ve been talking about running one since 2008. Seven years later I finally bit the bullet and training starts tomorrow. I need a hobby. Running seems like a smart one and I hate wasting money, so paying guarantees that I’ll follow through. My SIL found me a Living Social deal (she’s signing up with me) and then I found a coupon code so we saved 30 bucks on the registration fee. I’m hoping that doing this for myself will help me as we make the adjustment to life here in LA.

Intentions:

Follow through on my training plan. I downloaded the Nike app. I’m supposed to run 14 miles this week. Plus cross-training. I thought about doing Hal Higdon, but I want to be challenged. I want to walk (run) through the fire and come out the other side.

Eat to support my goals. Food is fuel and if I’m going to run a half marathon, I’ll need to fuel efficiently. Send good thoughts to B as he deals with my obsession over the next few months.

Start packing. We close in 3.5 weeks. I need to start packing, finish picking paint, and get ready to move. This will be the first time in five years that we are moving ourselves, so I’ll need the head start. My goal for this week is to begin the decluttering process. There’s lots to throw away before we start loading boxes.

What’s on tap for you this week?

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Five for Friday, v. 16


one It always seems like too long between my visits to Texas.  My family is all here, my favorite people, my favorite places. I’ve called many places home, since 2010; but, the truth is that there’s no place like home and that home, for me, is Texas. I miss the crazy thunderstorms and gorgeous clouds. I miss the rock bottom gas prices, cheap BBQ that is the best in the world, and HEB. I miss my loved ones related both by blood and soul. And Whataburger, because there’s no place likeWhataburger. 

 
two It took my nephew most of Thursday morning to warm up to me. He wasn’t too sure about that stranger in his Minzy’s house when they arrived. He didn’t like that I kept taking the trains he wasn’t playing with to choo-choo them around the couch. Then we went to lunch. And I sang one of my silly class songs to him. About dusting. and with a few simple, dust dust dusts, we were friends again. He even left his dada’s arms tonight to give me a hug goodbye. Though maybe he just wanted my BFF. She’s the coolest person in the world to him. 

three B has managed to pull a few hours of overtime while I’m gone. Honestly, I’m glad it hasn’t been more. Normally when he works late in able to get things ready for his next day. Not to mention, Loki is not used to being alone all day. I’m pretty sure they miss me as much as I miss them. This is the first time we’ve been separated where we haven’t had all day access to our phones since we moved in together five years ago. It’s a strange feeling. I text him right before he leaves for work and then he calls me at the end of his day. In some ways, it’s easier and in others it’s lonelier. 

  

four I am so lucky for the people in my life. My beloved SisIL and I were texting tonight. We kept making each other laugh. We both needed it.  My BFF forever came up to spend the weekend with me. It means so much that she would drive three plus hours each way just to hang out at my parents house. Friendship makes the world go round. 

  

five Tomorrow is my sister’s baby shower. It’s been so much fun getting things ready and I can’t wait for tomorrow. We’ll decorate quilt squares, open gifts, and celebrate new life. I can’t think of a better culmination to my trip. 
  

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Five Truths I’ve Learned in Five Years

I can’t believe that it’s been five years already. It still seems like only yesterday. Maybe the renewal last year helped with that. Publicly recommitting definitely ups the ante. Maybe it’s that every year keeps getting better. Still, possibly due to the whirlwind nature of our early story, I can’t quite fathom that we’ve been a married unit for five years. In the spirit of sharing, here are five truths I’ve come to realize over the last five years.

one Buy your own damn flowers.

I tried so hard to make B into the kind of guy who would buy me flowers. I joked to him that flowers were like blow jobs long before there was a some e-card about it. I would remind him regularly that bringing home flowers to me would be amazing. He did twice, both times after fights, so the sweet sentiment was slightly soured by the mood around them.

The real sentiment here, is that your spouse can’t be your everything. B cannot fulfill every need that I have. Nor can I for him. We would kill ourselves and ruin everything by trying. Instead, we’re learning to embrace where we can’t meet the other’s needs and to allow room to fill them in a healthy manner. The pressure is gone. I have flowers and B isn’t being crushed by the weight of unmet expectations.

Delaney-12two Always give everything that you have.

Relationships have such a funny give and take. There are countless articles out there about splitting things evenly – be it bills, paying for dates, or chores. But, that just isn’t reality. At least not as we know it. Things are never even. They’re never fair. And that’s okay.

For us, what has worked, is both of us giving everything we can at any time.  It means me doing his laundry, polishing his boots, and taking care of the dog ninety percent of the time while he’s in the academy for his current job.  Because he is going through hell to get a good job that will take care of us both for a long time. It is him greeting me at the door with a drink and a kiss and dinner ready to go after a long afternoon of teaching on my part. It is us both working together through the hard parts, even when it would be easier to gloss over or give up. It never totals up to 100 percent, it’s never fifty-fifty. But, it always balances because we don’t keep score.

Delaney-42three There’s always laundry to do.

Chores are endless and you have to help each other out with them. But, more than that, you have to do the work in life. Be it doing the never ending laundry and dishes, taking the dog for a walk twice a day, or nurturing your marriage – there is always work to be done.

Marriage isn’t easy. And honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s hard work, but life is hard work so that fits. If you don’t do the work, then just like the laundry piles up and the dishes grow mold, your marriage will suffer.

It takes the un-fun check ups of talking about things that upset you both. It takes really listening to your partner when they tell you why they’re not happy. It takes the fun doses of dates, kisses, and reconnecting too – but sometimes even those will feel like chores. Put in the work, because that’s where love flourishes.

Delaney-128

four It’s us against the world.

Be a team. In everything you do, be on the same team as your spouse. Even when you’re so mad at them that you could scream with primal rage, remember that you’re on the same team. Remind yourself daily that they never mean for their actions to hurt you – give them the courtesy of taking their actions in good faith.

That isn’t always easy for me. I tend toward the martyr complex and it is hard sometimes when B forgets something I’ve asked him to do, to remind myself that he isn’t doing it to hurt me. Because, it’s us versus the world, versus statistics, versus everything. I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side on this crazy journey.

Even more, remember that it is your marriage against the world when it comes to jobs, friends, and even family. There will be things in this life that will try to tear you apart. It is rarely as obvious as a Jezebel in sheep’s clothing. It’s as simple as not venting about your spouse to others, always having their back in their job decisions, sharing everything. Because of course, that isn’t simple at all.

Delaney-53five The best is yet to come.

It seems like a cliche. Most of this post honestly has. Yet, so much of it I didn’t understand five years ago. I am excited to see how much more I learn in five more years, ten, twenty, hopefully fifty. Because, what I have learned is that it keeps getting better.

The first year was hard. The circumstances were hard. Learning to love down to the very essence of my being was hard. But each year has taken my breath away. Each year has shown me a new depth to this love. Each year has brought about changes, hardships, laughter, tears, and love. Always love.

My heart is open, my eyes are clear, and my soul is intertwined with my beloved. The best awaits us and I am so grateful to walk toward it with this man of mine.

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Five for Friday, v.15

brianandiwhataburger

our first photo

one We are three days away from our fifth wedding anniversary. Today’s photos are all throwbacks to the first year we met. I have a lot of thoughts about having been married for five years, but I’ll save that for our actual anniversary. I’ve been digging through old photos recently thanks to my laptop breaking. It’s just the screen but I’m paranoid that they’ll wipe it when I send it in to get it fixed. I don’t trust people easily. Thus, we finally bought me an external hard drive and I’ve been consolidating all of the pictures off of both of my laptops. And, the old laptop actually still has a separate folder with all the pictures from the laptop before it. Thus, the hard drive is currently sporting three computers worth of pictures. I’ll be backed up all the way back to 2006.

signing the papers

signing the papers

two Last Sunday, I made the decision to leave one of the two studios I’ve been teaching for. They have been pulling my students off my schedule ever since they found out we were moving twenty minutes away. Not that they had ever given me a lot. And, I had the other studio plus a preschool gig so I was going to be plenty busy. Ironically, the preschool decided last night after a summer of turmoil to renege on our agreement. I’m now looking for other opportunities, both with the studio I’m still teaching for and at places closer to where we will be moving. Thank goodness we weren’t counting on my income for the mortgage payments. Now I just need to step it up and close the gap on what I was expecting to bring home. I won’t lie, I’m pretty bummed, but I know it’s not a reflection on me at all. The people making the decision never even met me. And honestly, it means I won’t have the chaotic early morning commute, so I really think this will work out in my favor.

holy shit, we're married

holy shit, we’re married

three The last couple of weeks have been really humid here in LA. Like, so humid the radio hosts are joking about swamp butt. Poor Loki has not been doing so well with the extra heat and humidity. He started worrying at his skin a couple of weeks ago and it hasn’t died down. Last week I started him on Benadryl to try and relieve the itching. This week, I turned to google. The suggestions online all said to try the same stuff used for Athlete’s Foot. Which is how I found myself today buying some Tinactin and spraying it on my dog’s butt. He’s got some great shaved patches right around the worst spots as that’s also supposed to help. Poor puppy looks super disreputable right now. I just want my happy, non-itchy puppy back.

grand rapids tour post wedding

grand rapids tour post wedding

four I get to go to Texas next week! And, where I was originally worried about being burned out from all the crazy teaching starting, at least now I’ll have a quieter start to the week. It’s nice because it means I get to hang out with B and celebrate our anniversary before leaving him to his four day work week while I’m gone. I’m going back to celebrate my soon-coming niece. I can’t wait to see family and friends and hopefully relax a little. It’s been a very go-go-go year and with an upcoming move I don’t see it settling down anytime soon. Plus, I have a long list of places to go eat while I’m in Texas. Don’t tell my family, but the food is sometimes the biggest reason I go back. I’m joking, mostly.

IMG_0266

being silly

five My girl-date last weekend went really well. The food and company were both superb. We’ve decided that we want to host some get togethers for the other girlfriends/wives that we know through our guys. We’re going to start with a wine night at one of our places and go from there. We both are pretty sure we’re the only two normal ones of the bunch, so we know that a little wine will go a long way in helping the situation. Or, you know, a lot of wine. We might have an agreement that we’ll get together first to do the set up and, of course, taste the wine. I’ll see her on Tuesday night when we do a double-date for dinner, and will try and hammer out some details then. I can’t wait to host a get together once we’ve moved into our new house, but I also don’t want to necessarily wait that long to get everyone together.

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Late Night Musings

It really isn’t even that late here. It just feels like it because he goes to bed so early on work nights. I wish I was the type that could easily fall asleep whenever, but my trying to go to bed with him is a recipe for us both to toss and turn all night. Safer that I stay up for awhile and let him actually fall asleep. Or, even if he’s not sleeping well by the time I come to bed, at least that isn’t on my conscience as my fault.

Speaking of, I really take way too many things on as my fault. I carry burdens that are not mine. I need to get better at that. I’ve been practicing my nope-not-thinking-that routine lately and clearly have more work to do.

The house stuff is still looming. I know it’s going just fine, I’m just ready to be in the damn house already. Hopefully we’re only a month away now. I just want a closing date.

Worse than the house stuff, one of my job’s is up in the air. It’s the best paying one and also the one I’ve been harboring the most apprehension about. Long story short, there was a change in leadership at the school and apparently some discord regarding changing the music program. All of which has led to where we are now, I’m supposed to start teaching classes on Monday and I’m not sure if I have a job. The interim director called me earlier tonight before the board meeting all apologetic about how things are going down. She promised to call me with an update after the meeting, but seeing as it’s almost four hours after the meeting was supposed to start, I don’t think I’m getting that call tonight. I guess I’ll just have to get creative to make up the income.

B’s birthday is tomorrow. He doesn’t like celebrating them. He sees no reason to celebrate being born. Regardless, we’re going to dinner next Tuesday with some friends at a restaurant of his choosing. I asked him what he wanted for dinner and dessert tomorrow and he picked chili dogs with brownies. Sometimes I’m not sure that I’m married to a legal adult. And I wouldn’t have him any other way.

It’s hard for me to respect that he wants things quieter on his birthday. He always does special things for mine, because he knows it means a lot to me. Which, means that I have to show restraint for his because that’s what matters to him. It feels weird to not get him a gift, though he has been promised the electronics he desires once we move. I almost made him this awesome exploding box (sadly sounds cooler than reality) but I realized that is something I would want for myself, thus I decided to not force it on him.

Tomorrow is my last preschool summer class and my final toddler session is on Saturday. I’ll be on break from teaching until September and I’m looking forward to a bit of time to recharge. Especially with how busy we’ll (hopefully) be getting ready to move.

Mostly, right now, I wish it was next week already and that I was in Texas, giggling with my bestie while my parents sleep down the hall.

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