Finishing

There is truly nothing as beautiful in the world as crossing a finish line. Of knowing that everything you’ve worked for is now in your hands. Of knowing that your long nights of toiling over word choice is finally behind you. Yes, I still have to edit, but my thesis is essentially done. I know that the editing won’t be a cakewalk, but, actually, it will be compared to writing it in the first place. Because, I have notes for the editing, which automatically makes it better, in my eyes, than writing the thing in the first place. I have endured. I have finished. I’m gloriously happy and completely delirious from lack of sleep. I’ve never felt better.

There were times I questioned if I would make it, but, now I know that I am stronger. I’m not sure it has sunk in yet, but it will, I’ve finished writing my thesis. And man, it feels good.

~The Countess~

Where is the outcry?

The College of Santa Fe is facing having to close their doors. After a deal to have the university’s debts assumed by Laureate fell through, the school thought it had found a solution in being purchased by Highland University. The only problem is that before Highland, a New Mexico state school, can purchase the College of Santa Fe, a private school, the New Mexico State Legislature has to pass a bill allowing the state school to acquire both the school and the land it sits on. The Governor specifically asked Highland to not purchase the land that CSF sits on until the government has passed the bill. CSF was counting on the purchase of the land to help them hold over financially until the purchase of the school could go through. Now, they are having to let faculty and staff go and they’re incouraging their students to look into other options for education afer this semester.

Why isn’t this all over the news? Where is the outcry over this?

Our news is filled with news about trashy celebrity relations; about unwed, unemployed mothers having octuplets; about car companies asking for more money. And here is a university that is facing it’s downfall, students facing the loss of their school and stability and it doesn’t even earn a spot on CNN?

CSF could be saved by something as simple as the New Mexico Governor allowing Highland to purchase the land before they pass the law regarding state schools acquiring private schools. His website, http://www.governor.state.nm.us/index2.php has a link where he can be reached by email and his phone number and physical mailing address. I am asking that you respectfully write to him and ask him to reconsider the plight of the College of Santa Fe. It shouldn’t be hard to pass a bill saving a university. A bill saving the students that call CSF home.

If you are wondering, no I am not a CSF alum. My brother is currently a student there. And he, like many CSF students, finally found a place where he belonged there at CSF. I  hate to think that the community he has found there will disappear due to governmental red tape.  The following video was made by students and professors at CSF. And I believe that it beautifully portrays the atmosphere and community of the College of Santa Fe.

If you want to help check out CSF’s official website. And if you think it doesn’t affect you than I ask you to consider this: What if this was your university? Your alma mater? Your family member who found a community hey belong in?

~The Countess~

Endurance

I’ve never run a marathon. I’ve tried to train to run a half-marathon, but haven’t even succeeded at that. But, I do like to run and try to run three miles three times a week. I prefer to pulse run interjected with walking. Everytime I’m in the middle of a running segment I have to set a goal to run to something that is far away, but that I can still see. My attitude about my ability to keep running is directly proportional to my being able to see my goal. And, everytime I go running my endurance is a little bit better – I can run a bit further, a bit longer, a bit faster. Every run still feels like its going to kill me, but I’m learning that the only way to build my endurance is to keep running.

Endurance.

Writing my thesis is a lot like running a marathon I think. Every mile completed in a marathon is something to be celebrated, and yet, you immeadiately upon completion of a mile, you are faced with the necessity of completing the next mile. And then the next one. And then the next one. For 26.2 miles. It’s the same thing with a thesis or dissertation. The completion of every chapter, typically anywhere from 5-15 pages, is worthy of celebration, and indeed, is often the length of a term paper in its own right. And yet, as soon as each chapter is completed the next one is looming, waiting to be written. There is literally no rest for the weary. Not until the marathon is over. Not until the thesis is submitted.

Endurance.

And that’s where the endurance comes in. Because, the hard part isn’t starting a marathon or starting a thesis. It isn’t really even in finishing them. At the finish there are accolades and praise. It’s the middle that’s the tough part. In the middle, every accomplishment is celebrated by taking the next step, by writing the next word. It starts to tear you down, wear you down. You feel as if you just can’t take any more. But, what choice do you have? You’re finishing a thesis. A marathon. But, here’s the thing. The end is in sight. It always is. The final mileage number never changes. The due date is constantly looming, but not as something to be feared, no, the due date is a friend. It offers the comfort of being finished.

Endurance.

Sure, this hurts right now. Sure I really wish I could stop. Just like I wish I could stop running sometimes. But, if I keep running, if I keep writing, then I will know the sense of accomplishment that comes with finishing.

Endurance.

~The Countess~

Trust Me

When I tell you that I’m okay, trust me. When I tell you that I’m content with the way things are, trust me. When I tell you that I’m willing to see this out, trust me. When I tell you that I’m happy, trust me.

If I am not happy, trust me, I’ll tell you. If I need you to fix it, trust me, I’ll ask you too.

Otherwise, please, believe me, I’m happy with my life. I am ok with where everything is going in my life right now. It might be less than ideal to some people. It might not be the way you would do things, but it is how I am doing things right now. And I just want the chance to make these choices without having to defend my every move. I’m done defending myself. This is my last comment on it. My response from here on out is going to be that I don’t want to talk about it. Because every time I do, I end up on the defensive and I’m tired of it. If I’m ok with it, then I need you to be ok with it. Please, just trust me.

~The Countess~