Three to Six Weeks

You know that awkward point where you’re sitting in a hospital hallway, with three empty water cups in your lap and you’re waiting to need to pee into a cup? Yeah, today was kind of like that, only less with the kind of and more with the exactly. But, let me press pause on my awkward waiting to pee into a cup moment and rewind back to when this all started.

And let me make a confession first too. I had no idea it would take me this long to find a job and I’ve been incredibly discouraged and fighting depression because of this fact. I really thought that I would breeze in here in March and be working by April. I feel like a fool right now.

After applying for jobs before we got here, I was offered one around the end of April. It was a flex position, no guaranteed hours, and not the greatest pay. Still, it would be something to do while B was off doing his long days of work. I began the process of starting my paperwork and had to wait 10 days to get a medical clearance appointment. That was also the same day I started getting my vaccinations up to date. Only, they couldn’t give me one that I needed because they’d been out of it for 3 weeks at that point. It took another week from there to get that last vaccine, but I finally got it, turned everything in, and got an appointment date for the end of the week to do my final paperwork.

The next night, I was offered a better job. This one is full-time, salaried, set hours, and just all around better. That tentative job offer came through in an email on 1 May. They told me not to make any plans based off it and to accept it within 48 hours. I accepted it immediately. And got the call the next day that the first job wouldn’t finish processing my paperwork like they had originally promised to do. So I settled in and waited super patiently for them to get back with me.

Hah. Ahem, super patient waiting involves calling every couple of days for an update after the first week has gone by, right? I mean, it’s only my job. It took them 17 days to contact me again. On 18 May at 2155 in the evening, I received an email. Congratulations again! This still isn’t a permanent job offer. But now you have 72 hours to access the link and 5 business days to complete the paperwork and will start work on 3 June. Except for the fact that their idea of 5 business days translated into 4 business days due to the time zone difference and that 3 June was a Sunday, I was super stoked to finally get this email. I spent the weekend and the early part of the week wrangling  with their website and today I had another meeting to get more paperwork. And when I walked in, they told me that sure enough, that I had to take the drug test they were hoping to skate by without me taking.

Which brings us back to the hallway. I’d been escorted to the water fountain and had filled 3 small cups of water which I promptly drained. The line marked on the cup seemed dauntingly high. And I’d been scared into the knowledge that if I failed to make it I had to restart from the beginning. Peeing in a cup is a humbling experience. At least the girl waited outside the bathroom and not inside it with me. As I was getting ready to leave, she reminded me that it will take 3-6 weeks to get my results back.

And so I get to wait. 3-6 more weeks until I can start work. I’ll admit, I came home and cried. I was so looking forward to escaping my non-working status. I cried. I fumed over the wasted 17 days that could have had my sample being tested. I made peace with having a bit more free time. Now I can probably go to Germany with Brian in June. Now I don’t have to work on my birthday. Now I can keep going to the pool every day and swimming for two hours.

Three to six weeks. It’ll go by in no time.

~The Countess~

The Grind Strikes Back

What is it about holidays that make returning to work so awful? Beyond just the time off from duties, plenty of free time to spend with family and friends, and all that nonsense. It’s like I go on break and get it in my head that my job is really onerous and tedious and that I don’t like it. I’m not sure if I do this because everyone else does or if I’m just so used to psyching myself out of Spring semesters of college that I’m still doing it 1.5 years out of grad school. I’ll have to examine this though, because it’s no fun to be dreading the return of work.

Honestly, this whole last week has had me beat. From leaving Texas to the jetlag finding my number and calling it in all night long, I lost the first full week of 2011. I didn’t sleep on the plane except for two 20-30 minute naps, which unfortunately set me up for the great jetlag horror 2011. I have a hard time sleeping before 0400 and a really hard time getting up before 1200. Which does not make returning to work very easy. At least my work is all scheduled for the afternoon; otherwise I might actually have some kind of issue. We’re currently in the process of setting alarms for earlier each day and trying to force ourselves to bed a bit earlier each night. We have to. Otherwise we can’t get anything done.

I really didn’t want to teach today. I’m not sure why not. I think part of it is, as said above, still not liking the return of college work in January after a not-long-enough break. The other part is probably dreading the return to teaching that came last year. When I was teaching for two different programs. I went from 0730 to 1900 at least three days a week. Though, I didn’t really dread that return too much because I was totally distracted by B. Every day was merely one ticked off the calendar as a visit with him approached. Still, it seems that the mindset I have trained myself to follow is to lament the return of work and rejoice in weekends. Still, I currently only work 2-3 hours a day. And I make fabulous money doing it.

Sitting here writing this made me realize that the part I don’t like about working right now is that B doesn’t have to. His current job description includes working out, going to practice, and competing. This will probably change in April or at the latest October and then I’ll be delighted in my schedule because my 3 hour days will look like nothing next to his 15 hour days. But right now, I’m the one who has to say we can’t do things because I can’t change lesson times. I’m the one having to get up and leave while he gets to hang out around the house or with friends. My dread of the return of my work is really just a faint echo of my dread of the return of his work and the deployment that will follow close behind.

Still, until it happens, I’m going to enjoy the bit of teaching that I do and enjoy being able to luxuriate in jetlag. Honestly, I have it really good and I know it. My version of the grind is sometimes having to put up with annoying students for 30 minutes at a time. That really isn’t anything, so, I’m going to shrug off the feeling of impending doom that is accompanying work and celebrate in the fun that my job actually brings.

~The Countess~

Relinquish

Let go. Two small little words that have the impact of a sucker punch. I am so bad at letting go. I cling to friendships, places, memories, because deep in my heart I use them to define who I am. If they let me down, then I just blame that on myself and not them. I deserved it and that’s the only reason they failed me. This is probably where you expect me to say that I let go of this attitude this year. But I’m not going to. While I am working on not allowing someone else’s mistakes to be my fault, I embrace the fact that I am a people person who is shaped by those around her. Now, I don’t blow around like chaff in the wind, but there are many people in my life who have had a strong impact on who I am, and that will never change.

Enough of that, as this is about what I did let go of. I let go of one thing and one person this year. I released them, freed myself from them and have soared farther than I thought possible because of letting go of them. I would never be where I am today or who I am becoming tomorrow if I hadn’t relinquished their hold on my life.

The first place that I let go of was home. It’s funny because I’ve always been a goer and a doer over being a homebody on Friday night. Yet, up until this year, I never lived more than three hours from my childhood home. I centered my job searches to the cities near my parent’s home and stayed as close as I could. Trips home were a weekly occurence – my mom is a fabulous cook and one of my closest friends. I had allowed it to tether me to South Texas. Keep me close enough that I could call daily and visit regularly. And I let go of that to move to North Dakota to be with B. I was going to be 1500 miles away. I cried driving away from my family, I cried crossing the Texas border, I cried when “God Bless Texas” came on the radio in the middle of South Dakota. Yet, they were only a 5 hour plane trip away. A short phone call away. Still close. Then we moved to Germany. I now live in a time zone 7 hours ahead of my parents. It’s roughly a 13 hour flight to get back home. Phone calls are impossible and Skype calls are rare. I had to let go of my childhood home in order to make a new home. My new home isn’t a place though, it’s a person. With B’s job in the military now we move too much for a place to be home. He is my home now and it couldn’t have been this way without letting go of my childhood home.

The person I let go of has fought much harder to stay in my life. She doesn’t want to go quietly. She still rants and raves at me every now and then that I should let her back into my life. I won’t. I let go of the career woman I could have been. I had two jobs in SA that were career path jobs. I could close my eyes and see myself working in the higher up positions of the non-profit I worked for or the one we partnered with. I could picture myself as the director of the Fine Arts program where I taught. I had it in me. So much so that the Exectutive Director of one of the non-profits told me she saw me as one of “her” type of people and that she could see me going far in the non-profit world. That career woman is gone now. I said goodbye to those two amazing, career path jobs, and drove to North Dakota hoping to land a retail position at the local mall. I had just been offered a manager position when we took the orders to Germany. I certainly know as a military wife that my job will be secondary to his for the rest of our lives. And I’m just fine with that. A job doesn’t come home with you after a long day and cuddle with you. It doesn’t give you a back rub or just hold you when you’re sad. I’m perfectly happy teaching piano or working retail as we move around, in fact, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

For 2011, there’s only one thing that I really want to let go of. And that’s my resentment of B’s ex. She’s still a good friend of his. I would love for her to magically disappear from our lives. We reached a breaking point earlier over this, with me contemplating demanding that he cut her out of his life. But I can’t do that to him. Or her. But I can work on not feeling hurt every time her name pops up in his email inbox (no, I don’t snoop through his emails, his computer screen faces me and is some 30 inches across). I can work on not wanting to write mean things on the Christmas card as I address the envelope to her (this year I was just proud that I didn’t carry out the action). I want to let go of this, because, as it stands now, she has power over me and I’m not cool with that.

Letting go, it has such a strange connotation in our world. People who relinquish are often considered weak. And yet, we cup so much more in gently open hands than in tightly squeezed fists. We never know quite what we will be able to take hold of and run with until we let go of what has been holding us back.

~The Countess~

Fighting Discouragement

There will always be discouraging moments in life. Always. Times when things don’t go right. Times when people let us down. Times when we let ourselves down. The key is to not give in to those moments.

Job hunting is one of the most discouraging things I’ve ever done. There’s nothing like knowing you would do well at a job and then not even be considered because of your resume.

I am overqualified for the entire town where I’m moving. But I work in a very specialized field. Which means that with the size of town we live in I’m going to struggle to find work. And it’s discouraging. All of my education. All of my experience is a burden rather than a blessing. Something to keep me from being hired rather than help me get hired.

Yet I can’t let it get me down. It could. Very easily. But I will find something. And it will rock. I will not be discoraged. I am unquashable.

~The Countess~

Jobs

I’ve been really blessed as far as jobs go. It seems that every time I’ve been looking for a job that one has just opened up for me. That was especially true when I moved to SA and took the jobs with the MLC and SMH that I did. Both jobs opened up because of people I had gone to school with – I’ve never had a greater reminder that networking in college is an important and real thing.

I’m currently faced with moving – again – and applying for jobs all over again. But, I’m not worried. I know that I’ll find something that I’ll have fun doing.

~The Countess~

Fieldtrips

One of the craziest parts of my job is organizing field trips. My boss picks the locations and handles that end – but I have to deal with the student end. It’s my job to hand out permission forms and collect them back. Which isn’t too hard when we have regular class. But, this last round of field trips that we did – taking kids from all five classes on three different days – was preceded by not having regular class the week before. Meaning, I had to hunt students down. And then, some still forgot to bring them back so the day of the field trip they’d have to call home to get permission. This means that we sometimes don’t know who we’re taking until that day. Crazy unorganized.

But, the kids love it. It’s a real motivation for them. We’ve taken them to the Riverwalk, convention centers, churches, and the like. Anywhere we can set up and play for 15-20 minutes.

For every field trip we have to pick a limited number of kids – no more than 26. We have 120 enrolled in our program – so it makes it hard to pick. We have to consider their behavior in our class and in GS as a whole. Attendance is the next marker – they have to show up regularly to be able to go. Their technical skills at playing their instrument is our least concern. We use the fieldtrips to motivate good behavior and attendance out of the students. And it works quite well. Reluctant attendees get much better at not complaining about coming to class every day.

So, I guess field trips are a good thing – even if they drive me crazy.

~The Countess~

C.razy

Wednesday of last week was crazy.

The craziness started at the beginning of the week when the walkie-talkie’s that we use for communication were stolen over night. Now, we are part of an afternoon program that sees 300+ kids everyday. They are broken into multiple groups based on age and they rotate across our campus. In addition, our music program and tutoring pull kids away from their regular rotations. The walkie’s allow us to just radio for the kids we need as every leader has one. Without them, we have to go and get kids by hand. It’s definitely made things run a little slower, though we’re all chipping in to help each other out.

I got to work Wednesday afternoon for us to find out that we were having a surprise visitor from the mayor’s office. His director of education actually. Now, we get visitors all the time – we’re a non-profit so it’s to be expected. Donors, board members, and the like are always coming by. Still, someone from the mayor’s office is a pretty big deal. It could be some really great publicity for us. I remember thinking at the time that the lack of walkies would make things a bit crazy, but manageable…it’s like I tempted fate or something.

Our esteemed guest showed up with her two kids and the minute we walked in the door I knew something was wrong. Namely, the classroom smelled very wr0ng. I still did our standard walk-through of our staging room and instrument room. When I opened the door into our classroom the smell was worse – acrid, burnt plastic smell – one of our interns was already coming out to ask me to call the site’s maintenance man. I escorted our guest to her seat and then made the call. By the time I was off the phone with him the classroom was hazy. We opened all the doors and moved the kids outside. The maintenance guys came through and immediately went into the main building evacuating it as they went. We were moved to the far side of the campus as the fire department showed up. They confirmed that we had an electrical fire. The motor on the air-conditioning burned out – luckily the fire didn’t spread.

We ended up holding class out under the gazebo – but, because of the fire we couldn’t get any more instruments for our kids. Which meant that we couldn’t rehearse all of the kids that were going on field trips. We arranged to hold an extra class on Thursday and called it quits for the day after we restocked the classroom. Still, it was crazy. Definitely a day I was glad to see the end of…

~The Countess~

Over-priveleged Parents

One of the less appetizing aspects of my job involves dealing with parents. I know that every teacher has to deal with parents, but, I’m a music teacher. A private piano instructor. At a really nice prep school. You would think this means that the parents would be better than average. I think they may be worse.

Example One: They cannot be held responsible for anything.

My younger students come once a week instead of their PE class. I regularly have two to three students a week forget their books. The parents then consider it my job to mak up a lesson. They wouldn’t send their child to school without their back pack or lunch. But, piano? That’s the teacher’s fault.

I have one student who keeps forgetting to come to the tune of only five out of fifteen lessons last semester. His dad told me that if I would just go hunt him down and ask his other teachers to help him get there tha we wouldn’t have that problem. This student is 12. That’s old enoughto be responsible for getting to their own classes.

Example Two: I am responsible for everything.

When administration reminded students halfway through last semester that if they were taking for credit then they had to practice daily at school, I caught all the flack from the parents. Couldn’t I make an exception for their student? It was unfair to expect them to practice because it’s only a pass fail course.

I’ve also been fussed at for failing to get a student registered for a test after the deadline. The mom got her student registered, but I had called the test administrators and they wouldn’t do it for me.

Example Three: They never get enough communication.

I lost an elementary student last semester because I didn’t communicate enough. Since I sent home weekly notes in his assignment book, this eithervstems from the mom not checking her email for the messages I sent or because I didn’t answer her phone call at 9 at night but waited to return it until the next day.

Another mom spoke to administration about my lack of communication. This one because she emailed me at 11:40 pm on a Thursday night. I was out of town all weekend. On Sunday I had food poisoning and responded only to her student’s email about adding an extra lesson. Because I didn’t email her too, she was upset about my not communicating. Forgive me for thinking that a 17 year old is old enough to schedule lessons at school with directly.

My boss tells me that these parents pay this much so that they can control every aspect of their child’s life. She didn’t see the problem with that statement. I get that we try to return emails within 24 hours. But I’m part time. I have other jobs and commitments. Outside of that, they don’t pay me to be their servant. I am not at their beck and call. The sense of entitlement these people have makes me sick.

And I know it comes with the job, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

~The Countess~

Me laughing at me

I can really be so silly sometimes. I think I might need my head examined. Today, I’m just enjoying making my students think that if they squish their rests in their music that they will make me cry. It’s surprisingly effective. They get to laugh at me and they learn to observe their rests. Of course I also threatened to hog tie some of them. They’re starting to not take me seriously when I do that. I might actually have to resort to doing it so that they know it isn’t an empty threat. ;-)

~The Countess~

And here we go

Today marked the first day on the job with the MLC. It didn’t really feel like work. I’m sure it will very shortly, but, it was way too much fun with way too little accomplished to be work yet. I know we have a lot to do before we start having students though, and that’s going to be the best part.

Tomorrow is the start of teaching at SMH. Again, I’m stoked about this. This first week is going to be mostly assessment lessons, but it should still be fun. I get to meet a bunch of new students and figure out what they’re going to learn for the next year.

I’m still waiting for it to sink in that I’m not starting back up with classes. Rice and Baylor have both already started, and yet, here I am class free. I’m sure the real world is knocking at my door, but, it doesn’t seem like it. Tomorrow at 0600 when my alarm goes off, I’ll probably be feeling it though.

~The Countess~

Whoa

I just finished emailing the parents of my new students. Kind of a, welcome to my studio, here’s who I am kind of deal, since the students were assigned to me by administration. Telling them what their student needed to bring to the lesson, asking what email address they preferred that I use, and giving them all of my contact info. I also emailed my department head my schedule. That made me feel crazy responsible. But it gets better.

After I oh so industriously typed up my schedule and emailed the parents, I decided that I would type up a practice contract that my students are going to sign. I signed one every year from first grade through high school graduation. In it I detailed how much I would practice a day for a total amount during the week. Like, my senior year, I practiced 3 hours a day, 5 days a week, for a total of 15 hours a week. This allows some flexibility in the schedule in that they can miss days and still meet their requirements. I find that practice contracts generally help the student to feel in charge of how much they are practicing, while emphasizing the importance of regular practice. I then created the practice log that they will have to fill out and have signed weekly.

Crazy. I feel so grown up. And responsible.

Tomorrow is also my first day on the job with YOSA. We’ll be working budgets and making organizational decisions. It should be fun. Maybe I’ll finally start to feel like a working adult, instead of a college student on break. Maybe not, but, maybe.

~The Countess~

Woohoo!!!

Yesterday I interviewed at St. Mary’s Hall to be one of their private piano teachers. I loved the campus and the people I met. The interview went really well, but of course they had other people to interview and they said they would be in touch by the following Monday. Fifteen minutes later they called me and offered me the job. So, pending my background check coming back clean, I have a job teaching private piano lessons at this prep school. I’m so ecstatic. I’ll find out Monday how many students I’ll have, and after that I’ll make a few other decisions.

There are two possibilities regarding me and students. One is that the situation will stay exactly the way it is and I’ll replace the one teacher that left. The other is that another teacher will leave and I’ll be helping to cover her students as well. If the first scenario plays out than I’ll probably end up taking a job with the Youth Orchestras of San Antonio. If the second one becomes reality, than I won’t need another job because I’ll be swamped with students. Either way, I’m going to be teaching music lessons for a living and I am stoked.

It also means that I can afford to start looking for a place of my own, which ya’ll know is a huge deal to me. I’m perusing condo units as I write this. It’s amazing how one little job can turn everything around.

~The Countess~

Reversals

It’s funny how life is. You can make set plans, really feel led towards doing something and then with one phone-call everything can change. I’ve just been plunged back into uncertainty regarding life. Not that this is a bad thing. I’ve been offered an incredible opportunity. And if it pans out there is no way I’m turning it down. But, it’s pretty much the opposite of what I was expecting to do.

I’m thrilled with this opportunity. It’s essentially a dream job/career. But I’m torn, because I’ve had my plans in place for months now and it’s hard to imagine changing them. The difference though is in my current plans I’m a struggling free-lance musician and in the new plans I have a steady, well-paying, full-time job. And that, is hard to walk away from. Especially in this economy. It’s all very up in the air right now. I don’t even know that I’ll get the job, but, oh it would be such a relief if I do.

If you pray, let me ask you to pray for me as I make these decisions about what to do. I know that I’m being partially obtuse, but that’s because things are in such an early stage. Still, I appreciate the prayers.

~The Countess~

Does anyone have a brain?

I might could use it. The following might have been overheard at my work today.

*Phone rings*

Me: Hello, Thank you for calling TexanCountess. This is Gymboree, how may I help you?

Caller: *laughter*

Me: Hmm, well, I blew that one.

Caller: *more laughter* Aren’t you glad it’s just your boss?

Me: *laughing* Yes, yes I am. I’m also not answering any more calls today, I’ll just return phone messages.

Ah well, you win some and you lose some. Looks like I lost this one.

~The Countess~

Gymboree Play and Music

Gymboree is a well-known children’s clothing store. The Play and Music branch is an amazing child development program. Children from 0-5 come in and learn about life, art, and music, through play, movement, activities, and music. It’s awesome. And I interviewed this morning with a local branch. I’ll be going back out on Saturday to observe some more classes. I’m really excited about it. I responded to the ad because of the music component, and yet, I really could see myself teaching all of it. I’ll keep you updated as to how everything is going.

~The Countess~