OBB 2012: March

My goal for the first two months of the year was to not gain any weight while we were in the chaos of moving. All I had to compare was our move from Minot to Ramstein and that was a crazy time. The quick recap is as follows. We got notice of the move on 11 August, married on 17 August, packed out on 13 September, roadtripped from 14-21 September, moved into the hotel in Ramstein on 22 September, and finally moved into our home with temporary belongings on 15 October. Our actual belongings didn’t come in until 30 October. The month we spent living in hotels, we truly lived in just a hotel room. In Germany we had a mini fridge and a microwave. So we ate out. A lot. We also had to stay off base, so we took taxis more than we walked. We did buy the bikes, but shortly after that we rented a car because I needed to travel further than the distance the bike gave me.

And here we are now. This time around we got the notice of the move way back in November. And then everything sat until Valentines Day. Then everything moved so that two weeks to the day we were in Turkey. And here we are. This time around our hotel has two bedrooms, a living room and a kitchen with full fridge, oven, toaster, and coffee machine (not that we drink coffee). I have all the pots and pans I need and the commissary is only about a 5-10 minute walk. We’re on base so walking is the only option we’re willing to use. Even after the car gets here we probably won’t use it much as gas is expensive and nothing is outside of walking (or biking) distance.

The moves unsettle me a little bit. I mean, I like moving, but there’s something about not knowing anything about where you’ll be living or what you’ll be doing there that can get to you. Still, I’ve tried really hard this move to keep my feet under me. I’ve been watching my portions and trying to eat only half servings if we eat out. I walk anywhere from 5-10 miles a day and we’re going to the gym on top of that. It’s no wonder then, that I feel the best that I have in a long while.

I only brought one pair of jeans with me and thanks to the dog have figured out what a mistake that was. Even though I loathe buying clothes at the BX, I figured that I should get another pair of jeans at least to have nicer ones to put on if we went out with other people. I fit into a 6. My hips have always been my largest part, and I mean, hey I have a butt and I like it. But I’ve never worn a six in pants. It was a huge boost and a reaffirmation that eating half portions at restaurants and walking and counting the calories is all worth it.

I won’t have access to my scale until God alone knows. It’s looking like we’ll be in this hotel well into April thanks to a shortage of houses. I found one at the gym that seems to be pretty accurate, but I’m not going to use it for official weigh ins. At least, I don’t think that I will.

My goals for March are pretty simple, but here they are nonetheless.

1. Workout 5 days a week – now that we have a gym and it’s only a 5 minute walk, I want to be there at least 5 days a week to do weight lifting and cardio that goes above and beyond walking the dog.

2. Eat out only on the weekends – It’s so easy to get into the habit of just grabbing food out, and I really want to fight that trend while we’re here. We can cook, therefore I would like to because it’s so much healthier if I make it.

3. Walk the dog daily – he needs it and so do I. The more I move and the less I sit, the better it is all around.

4. Make the most of my minimal wardrobe – I moved with only 1 (now 2) pairs of jeans, 6 shirts, 3 dresses, and two skirts plus my exercise clothes. B has said I can buy more clothes, but I want to wait until I know what kind of work I’m going to be doing. And of course, I also want to maybe have all my other clothes be too big by the time they get here so that I can just buy a whole new wardrobe. Yes, I am a bad person.

OBB is supposed to be about more than just the physical and add in my emotional health as well. I feel like I’m doing well so far with this move. There’s a lot of sunshine here, so that’s helping a lot. It’s not like when we moved to Germany and I spent the whole first weekend alone (B had to fly back to the States) and in tears because of how alone I was. I am keeping close track on myself though.

Still, I really feel like this new base could be extremely good for us in so many ways. Our health is at the top of that though. Both of us are committed to eating healthier and moving more. And at least for right now, we don’t have a lot of other options.

 

Do you have any goals for March?

~The Countess~

OBB 2012: February

Happy First Saturday of February! It’s hard to believe that we’ve already said goodbye to the first month of the year. I’m okay with that though, because these winter months have never been my favorite. February brings us that much closer to the glorious summer months where I will be living very close to a beach. Oh beaches, how I’ve missed thee.

January actually went pretty well for me. Here are my goals and a recap of how I did.

• Work out with B on every off day. So this goal modified very quickly into trying to do it. His off days fly by so quickly that we were always having to choose between the gym and walking the dog. So we bought an elliptical. This way we can walk the dog and still get in a workout.
  
• Do something physically active on days when I don’t go to the gym. I have successfully walked the dog about 75% of the days of the year so far. Some I missed because it’s rainy and I don’t do walks in the cold rain.
  
• Eat well. This one I’d mark about 50-50. I have slipped back into just eating out on B’s off days instead of insisting that we eat at home. And not just for one meal, no we’re back to eating out the majority of the meals on his off days out. And that’s just not acceptable. However, I’ve kept my portions under control and have been drinking more water. I maintained this month and I’m fine with it. I’ve found a happy place, weight wise, for my body.
  
• Research and pick something to work on self worth, self confidence, etc. I found a book to read and a journal to write in. The book was called Angry Conversations with Godand was written by Susan E. Isaacs. I also picked up a devotional journal called the Frazzled Female. I think I’ve completed 2 days in it so far. It’s a start.
  
• Shower, do my hair and make up every day. Hahahahaha, hahaha, haha, yeah… So, I did shower most days at least. Typically not until much later in the day. Especially since I now have the excuse of using the elliptical. Which I’ve only done twice in the week we’ve had it. Hmm, that actually doesn’t sound as bad to me now.

So, overall, I’m pretty happy with how January has turned out. I’m pretty happy with my body right now. I still think I want to try to lose another 5 pounds, but I’m also pretty sure that won’t be happening until we move. Because, oh yeah, we still haven’t moved and probably won’t until the end of this month. So once again, I’m facing a month where they will come take away all my belongings and ship them off to my new home. With that in mind, here are February’s goals.

• Actually use the journal that I bought. And you know, for more than just a paper weight. This is more about spending time focused on me (and God) and less about the actual subject matter of the book. Though I definitely feel like a frazzled female these days.
• Drink more water. I got out of the habit of drinking large quantities of water every day and I want to get back into it. I’ve done better this past week, but I still have a long way to go.
• Quit eating out senselessly. This is what I call it when we decide to go to base to run errands at 1100 and just go instead of eating at home first. It has to stop. We tend to just eat junky fast food that makes my body feel gross. Of course, the caveat is that once they take away my belongings I won’t have much to cook with, okay more like nothing. So, yeah, I’m going to have to figure this one out a bit.
• Use the elliptical while we still have it. I want to use it at least half of B’s work days and half of his off days. I don’t even have to use it for long. I normally walk for an hour with the pup so even 15-20 minutes would be good. But I’m way too good at justifying not using it.

That’s it for February. Nothing too lofty seeing as how we’re supposed to be moving. Just some goals to keep me rolling until we’re in our new home. And then it’s game on for getting healthier and maybe losing these last five pounds.

~The Countess~

Operation Bikini Body: 2012 Edition

Last year I started Operation Bikini Body to help get me in shape to wear a bikini for a cruise that was planned to occur in June but ended up happening in September. I didn’t just want to get in shape though, I wanted to change my attitude and views on my body image. I feel like I’ve gone on about my body image ad nauseum here, mainly where it stems from and the like, so I’m not going into that again here. Rather, I want to reflect on how last year went and where I want to go this year.

Starting back in March of last year I was somewhere around 158 lbs and pretty out of shape. I started going to the gym with B and lifting and doing cardio on a regular basis. In late April or early May, I weighed in around 164. The funny thing is that in spite of my weight going up, I was more confident about myself than ever. We started our roadtrip around the States with me feeling great about how I looked. I was positive that weight was just a number on a scale.

After half of May, all of June, and the first part of July were spent in travel I decided I needed to re-focus and B and I bought a scale. The day we brought the scale home, I stepped on it and saw 172. I’d never weighed that much in my life. All of my confidence vanished with one little flickering number. I got serious this time though. I joined myfitnesspal, started watching what I ate…and realized that we had terrible eating habits. Thanks to a year of living in vacation mode, we were way too comfortable with just eating out whenever we wanted. I was eating at least double the calories that I needed each day.

Pag, Croatia August 2011

By the time we went to Croatia in August, I was back down around 165 and by our honeymoon cruise in September I was around 158. I wore, and rocked, bikini’s on both trips. I’ve since lost another 5-8 pounds and hover between 150 and 153.

Cozumel, Mexico September 2011

So here I am, around 20 lbs lighter than I was back in July…and sadly just as insecure as ever. I have my “skinny” days and my “fat” days. Most days I’m happily confident and content to rock that bikini. Other days I make sure I have my towel wrapped tight around me until I can slip into the pool.

Which brings me to OBB2012. I’m the lightest I’ve been in years. I entered college at 145 and graduated at 158. So I haven’t weighed this little since college. And in college I’d have never dreamed of wearing a bikini. Oh the foolishness of youth. But I don’t want to feel that way going forward. I don’t want to look back on any of my life and worry about what I let my insecurities keep me from doing.

OBB2012 is going to my structure for that. I want to be a bit more organized about it this year. My plan is to report in around the first of each month. I want to set monthly goals and give myself some flexibility as the year goes on.With our move coming up at the end of this month, I know I need to get myself in a good place mentally and physically to help deal with it. We’re facing an undetermined amount of time in temporary housing and then we’re not sure how long until our household goods will show up. I want to set myself up for success this year. Not just in staying physically healthy but in becoming more emotionally secure and happy with who I am and where I am in life.

Without further ado, my January goals:

• Work out with B on every off day. He currently works a 3-2-2-3 schedule. So he works three days, has two off, works two, and has three off. Our goal is to make the gym every off day and push ourselves hard. On his work days he’s up and gone by 0400 and not home until 1900 and he has the only car so no gym on those days.
• Do something physically active on days when I don’t go to the gym. This can be a work out dvd, a walk with the puppy, pretty much anything to get moving.
• Eat well. I’m not setting a weight loss goal for January. If I lose weight, that’d be great. But with the stress of moving and all of the unknown right now, I don’t want to stress myself with anything else. This month I want to focus on making the better choice. Not necessarily the best choice, just the better one.
• Research and pick something to work on self worth, self confidence, etc. I’m not sure what I want to do yet. If I can find a book/journal to work through I may do that. If anyone has any suggestions I’d love to hear them.
• Shower, do my hair and make up every day. No excuses. I vowed when I first got married that I wouldn’t become the girl who didn’t care about her appearance now that she’d secured her man. Now I need to live up to that promise.

That’s it for now. Pretty simple really. I need to get back in the groove of working out. I want to keep up the good eating habits. The big one is going to be the self esteem goals. It’s baby step time people.

~The Countess~

 

Svelte

It’s a word, that to me conjures up images of movie stars, Jessica Rabbit, and models. Slender and elegant is it’s standard definition. It’s a step above slender and a far cry from skinny. Maybe it’s what I’ve always wanted to be.

I have a strong memory of sitting in Sunday School next to my sister as a child. We were still attending the Presbyterian church in my home town, so it was before highschool. Likely it was somewhere between my 12th and 13th year. The year that I shot up like a weed. I went from being a half inch shorter than my sister to three-quarters of an inch taller than her in just one week. Can we say awkward much? One of the ladies of our church (yes I remember her name, no I’m not using it here) came up to us. She told my sister how she was just growing more lovely and that she was going to be such a beautiful, lady-like, etc, woman. Then she looked at me and told me that I was going to be so tall and gangly.

It stuck.

Yesterday though, a comment was made that lifted my day. I was sitting at a piano helping a highschool student with his work. His Mom, one of my favorites, breezed in from her job to pay me and take the younger sister to dance. She’s always put together, always sweet, the kind of Mom that I want to be if I ever decide to become a Mom. And she looked at me and said, “You look great. You’ve gotten so svelte. Not that you weren’t before, but now…” I think I could have touched the moon I felt so great right then. Thanks to her being busy and then sick and then busy, I actually haven’t seen her since early August. So, she’s seeing me with most of the weight difference.

I won’t lie. I’ve been waiting for someone to notice. Waiting for someone to say something. B tells me all the time how great I look, but I was waiting for someone who didn’t know to comment that I looked slimmer, healthier. Never did I dream that I would get svelte. It’s my new happy word for myself. And it’s bolstered the knowledge inside me that the me I’m fighting to become is the me that I want to be.

Tall and gangly svelte. And happy as can be.

~The Countess~

The Vanity of Sizing

I’ve made no secret of my quest for weight loss here. Even though this isn’t a “weight-loss blog” I have done several challenges both with others and by myself to lose weight. I started the year with my Operation Bikini Body that was a focused attempt to find the confidence to wear a bikini as well as working to tone up. With Beat the Heat, I set and met an actual weight loss goal.

Today? I feel great about myself – yes, I still want to knock off some weight and continue to get into better shape. But, I’ve come so far. How do I know this? Because today, I found a cute pair of jeans at the BX – dark, straight legged, dressy denim trousers. The kind of jean that is my weakness. And they’re by Michael Kors – so they’re gorgeous and well designed.

I bought them in a size 10.

Yep, I’ve lost 11 lbs and moved up a size. At least, in this designer’s clothes. For most, I wear an 8. For some a 6 and now a 10 too. And that’s the vanity of sizing.

I saw last week over on My Fitness Pal, a whole group of girls going off against losing to a number goal on the scale – you know because that’s unhealthy to fixate on a certain weight – and instead were intent on meeting a size goal.

I want to be an 8. I want to be a 2. I want to wear size 4. I want to get to single digit clothes.

It’s a false goal. I can go into the right stores and buy all size 4 clothes. How do I know? Because a friend of mine who is the exact same height/weight/proportions as me (almost, I have bigger boobs) wears size 4 from these companies. Or, I can shop designers like Michael Kors and be bumped back up to a 10. Mostly I fit right into the 6-8 category.

I worked for White House Black Market for 6 weeks during grad school. Besides being a staunch reminder that I don’t want to work retail, I learned a lot about sizing during that time. My favorite manager said that if he could cut the size tags out of clothes he would. And he had a great point. These beautiful women would come in to our store – they’d be size 8s, 10s, 12s, and 14s – and beautiful. And every one of them would try to wear clothes too small for them. We did our best to get them into clothes that fit them, regardless of size, but it was a lost cause with some.

I understand trying to be free of the tyranny of the scale. An arbitrary number doesn’t do anyone any good. But the same is true for the size of clothes. I knew a girl who was a size zero – beautiful, slender, perfect for her body shape. When she got married, she had to buy a size 4 wedding gown and she almost had a nervous breakdown about being “so big.”

I have gone through phases where I wouldn’t buy a cute pair of pants because they were 10s or 12s and “I don’t wear that size” was all that my brain would say.

Working at WHBM really helped me to dress my body and not a number, though that always needs tweaking. But, I would so much rather look good in an outfit, than be squeezed like homemade sausage into casing, just to have a lower number on the tag. I’m proud of my size 10 Michael Kors jeans – they fit me fabulously – with a curved butt and flat abs.

Just remember, that numbers – be it on the scale or on the tag of clothes – can either be arbitrary or meaningful. The number itself does not reflect on the value of the person. Or sometimes, the actual size. Strive to look and feel good for yourself – not for some standard that society tells you that you should achieve.

And the next time you go shopping? Grab your normal size plus one above and one below. Buy the one that fits the best. Not the number that you want to represent yourself. Trust me, you’ll be happier in well fitting clothes.

~The Countess~

Not-So Wedded Bliss

I’ll be the first to tell you that there are many amazing things about being married. Having someone to cuddle with on a cold night. Being able to split washing the dishes, taking the trash, cleaning the house. The sex. Having someone to lean on without worry that anything you go through could possibly change your love for them or theirs for you.

Truly, for me, being married has been blissful. If you’ve read here long you know that our road hasn’t been the easiest, mostly due to moving across the world right after getting married. But, all in all, I know that I’ve never been happier. My soul found it’s counterpart in B and whirlwind and crazy though it’s been, it’s also been right.

I’ve heard tell though, about the less fun sides of marriage. And no, I don’t mean fights or anything like that. More, the moments of “oh wow, we’re married” turning from happy shock to the realization that you both went the whole weekend with barely a shower between you. Much less the make up, cologne, and effort that went into your dating phase. It’s in the taking out of the trash, or choosing to spend your Saturday doing chores rather than going on a date. I guess, it’s the mundane pace of life creeping in and stealing the exciting moments.

We haven’t really had those though. I like the “oh wow we’re married” moments. Like when we worked through a disagreement on the handling of our finances – it wasn’t us disagreeing with each other, so much as us working through a problem to find the solution together. I’ll be the first to admit that B is much better at this than I am.

Then there’s the other rumor that goes with marriage. The one that the weight that comes on with getting married is worse than the Freshman 15. We’ve always laughed that off too. Just like everything else. After all, even if we didn’t eat well, we made it to the gym 5-6 times a week and B works out at least twice a day. (No, you don’t get to congratulate him or be in awe, it’s his job so he’d better do it) Except that, I’d noticed that the random times I’d weigh myself at the gym…the weight was going the wrong way. I put it off to my having gained muscle weight or because I’d eaten just before, especially since my clothes still fit just fine. But, when I started the Beat the Heat Challenge, I figured I would lose 10 lbs just to start. So I went out and bought a scale.

Yikes.

I weighed in on Sunday 15 lbs heavier than when I was married. My 11 month anniversary is in 2 days. B weighed in 25-30 lbs heavier. Now, we’re both tall, and no one would dare call us fat (except that one random guy in Amsterdam, but he doesn’t count) and we’ve both put on muscle mass. But, this is not the way we’d meant to keep our promise of staying healthy together. So we cut the crap food. And wouldn’t you know three days later, we’re both seeing positive downward trends. This without any crazy crash dieting. We’re both eating til we’re full. We’re just eating better things. And at home.

It was a rude wake up call. But, it was good for us. As a couple. Because we just found the newest problem to tackle together and all of a sudden meal planning is fun as we come up with ways to have tasty food that isn’t overly fattening.

I guess it’s just another way I refuse to give in to any marital conventions. And yes, I’m still blissfully happy. Just not with the extra weight.

~The Countess~

Righting the Ship

It’s been a rough couple of weeks around here. I’ve been overly hormonal and sick, which are never good on their own, much less combined. I’ve taken some emotional blows from random strangers and the numbers on the scale. I’ve just wanted to give up.

But I’m fighting my way back now. After two missed weeks at the gym, I’ve made it the last two days. I have plans to work out tomorrow before work, Thursday after work, and Friday after work. We are planning on using the gym room at the different hotels along the way, knowing that we’ll miss a couple of days here and there due to events, but, planning to make it at least every other day.

I’m not going to lie and say that after 2 consecutive days working out that I feel just amazing. Because I don’t. These two workouts were hard. Really hard. I had to fight for every minute on the tread mill, I had to push through every repetition in the weight room. But I did it. I stuck with it, even when it wasn’t easy or fun. Amazing how far you can back slide in just two weeks. I’m taking it slow, not easy, but slow.

I’m still not sure if I’m going to rejoin back up with SFC. I was sabotaging my goals with it, and almost immeadiately found them overwhelming. My goals were the kind that worked for when it was just B and I at home in our “normal” routine. But add in visits and trips and it all fell apart. Some of it had to give in exchange for more important goals. I like the idea of it, I just didn’t plan it well considering all that was going on in my life at the time. I’ll still be out there reading and commenting though.

I haven’t been easy to live with over the last 2 weeks. I realized last night that I was still holding on to some things from months ago that I thought that I’d let go of. It’s crucial that I do so. They were coloring everything. And I do mean everything. Which is ridiculous.

I’m not pretending that it’s all rainbows and butterflies. It’s more like roses right now. Looks and smells good, but there are still some thorny moments. I’m okay with that. Every day is a renewed process of letting go. Every day is a new chance to begin again.

I’m setting my ship to right, and, even if it’s a long and thankless process, at least I’m starting.

~The Countess~

OBB: Once in a Blue Moon Update

Hey all! Sorry I’ve been so MIA this week. B was TDY to Spain and I was all alone in Germany. I spent a lot of time moping, crying, and being distracted by friends. And trust me, I’m definitely wrestling with how I’ll handle him actually deploying since this week was so hard on me. Though, some of my mil-wife friends are of the opinion that the short trips are just as hard, if not harder, than the long ones. But, those thoughts are for another post. They didn’t make it up last week because I was pretty sure that thinking about it to write about it was a bad idea. He’s home now though so I want to work through that while he is.

Anyway, this is about my Operation Bikini Body. Maybe some of you remember it? Those who don’t, if interested, can go find the posts via my categories at the top of the page. I started my goal at some 158ish lbs hoping to drop to 150lbs and go from my size 8 self to a size 6 and gain the confidence to wear a bikini. The bikini confidence came about a month ago when I actually bought my first ever bikini. Since then I’ve just been on a quest to stay healthy and happy.

The last time I weighted myself was a month ago. I was still sitting at about the same weight. And then I hurt my knee. I was a little worried about it, and B offered to help me do some exercises to strengthen my legs. This led to him pushing me into full weight lifting. I use the selectorized weight machines at our gym and I love them. They don’t let me hurt myself and I’m seeing great results.

Everything is firmer. Everything is slimmer. Everything fits looser. And the result of today’s weigh-in? A 4lb gain. Yep, I crossed the 160lb threshold and am up at 162lbs. Now, I didn’t have the healthiest of lunches today so that may have something to do with it. But, you know something? It doesn’t bother me at all. The last time I weighed 162 lbs was in grad school and I was bursting out of my 10′s and having to buy 12′s. Now? My 8′s are getting too big and I’m pulling out my 6′s. Then? I was on the big end of mediums and having to get some larges. Now? I’m on the small end of a VS medium and have to get small’s in all of their looser fitting stuff.

I feel great. I look great. I’m wearing things I never thought I would wear. And, you know something? The scale holds no power over me anymore. I broke it. Because that number doesn’t reflect who I am. Not in the slightest. This is where I hoped to arrive when I started the Operation Bikini Body. I wanted to love the way I looked. I wanted to see myself in the mirror and think the reflection showed a hottie. And here I am. Still working on being healthier, that’s going to be a life-long quest. Still in hunt of fully being a size 6 – but just for fun. I honestly don’t care if I get there. Because where I am right now? It’s a really great place.

~The Countess~

Dialing it Back

On Tuesday, I ran 4 miles in 44 minutes on a hybrid stair-stepper/elliptical cross-trainer. It was exhausting. It was exhilirating. It was a bad idea. In one move I had upped the resistance, incline, speed, and distance of my runs.

I paid for it on Wednesday.

I could barely walk. Stairs were an impossibility. About all I could manage was to sit with my knee propped up on a pillow in front of me. Even trying to sleep that night was painful. Everytime I turned over I would whimper because of my knee. I rested on Wednesday and on Thursday.

That made today my first day back. Top of my to-do list at the gym was to go do some leg exercises meant to help prevent knee injuries. B took a quick minute to show me around the selectorized weights, because, lets face it, I don’t need any more encouragement to jump the gun and hurt myself. I did three repetitions of 10 on two different machines working my quads, glutes, and hamstrings. I worked at 30, 40, and 50 pounds. It was tough but doable. And my goal is to blend this in before my runs 2-3 days a week.

After my weight routine, wimpy though it may be right now, I went upstairs and stretched before hopping on the plain-Jane elliptical. My favorite machine at the gym is the Precor Cross-Ramp. It lets you target your muscle groups based on incline level, it lets you set your resistance level, and it burns calories like nobody’s business. The motion on it is closer to a stair-master’s up and down then the expected glide of the elliptical. So, in spite of the awe inspiring calorie burning available on it, I’m steering clear until my knees are better. Instead I hoped on the good old reliable elliptical and started walking.

Yeah, the girl who’s been pushing her half-mile intervals from 10:10 to 9:50 to 9:22 to 9:05 all without ever slowing down or taking a breather…walked a 14 minute mile today. It’s hard to express how frustrating that was. Or how upset it made me to only last 1.5 miles before my knee suggested that I’d be better off stopping. I’m going to listen to my body, no matter how much it irritates me. I do have a trip to Rome in 10 days and that will involve a lot of walking, I’m not about to be limping around for it. But, yeah, I hate feeling like I’ve been sent back to Go…without getting to collect my 200 dollars. So, for however long it takes, I’m going to be the girl who looks like she’s phoning it in at the gym. I’m really giving my all, it’s just that, my knee can’t take much right now.

I’m dialing it back and hoping to build it all back up again.

~The Countess~

Early Arrival

Remember that bikini that I told you I just ordered on the 7th? Yeah, it showed up today. Completely unexpected and totally a surprise. My first thought when I pulled it out of the package? Damn, those bottoms look big. Like, really big. I seriously thought they’d sent me the wrong size at first. I guess bikini bottoms don’t have the same stretch ratio that panties do.

I had to go teach a couple of lessons before I could get home and try on the prize. It was the first thing on my mind when I got home from teaching. I was so eager to try it on. I snuck into the bathroom immeadiately after greeting B to try it on.

It fits!!! I can’t believe it, but it fits and it looks damn good. Now, just earlier this week when I was getting dressed I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window (I don’t have a full-length mirror, I know, I know) while just wearing a bra and panties and thought then that I was looking good. Now I know it’s true.

The bikini wasn’t the early arrival. My confidence is. I’m happy with the way I look in a bikini. Yes, I still want to slim up a bit. Yes, I still have my “trouble” zones. But I’m finally happy as me. I’m finally accepting of the fact that I have curves. I’m accepting of the fact that I don’t have to be a stick-figure model to be beautiful. That bikini represents not just the new me physically, but the new me mentally as well. New-K can’t wait to hit the beach in April (woohoo one more month until Italy!) to show off her bikini body.

Operation Bikini Body continues on. I’m not about to stop the workouts, healthy eating, et al now. I’m finally finding comfort in my own skin. I really don’t care what I weigh right now. I almost weighed myself tonight and then decided that I didn’t want a number on a scale to bring me up or tear me down. I feel awesome. I look awesome.

On Tuesday I ran 5 miles in just under an hour, burning 600 calories. Tonight I ran 2.25 miles at a 9:38 pace. It would have been more, but my stomach absolutely rebelled. I have a floor mat on the way to be able to do my ab work here at home. I’m not about to stop now. I finally have seen the me at the end of this and I like her a lot. Now to just enjoy the rest of the journey.

~The Countess~

Monday Mish-Mash

• We had a low-key handball free weekend. It was the awesome. Friday night was spaghetti, Wii Sports, and Moscato chased with rum. Saturday was a visit to a castle, followed by an appetizer dinner, rum and cokes, and 20,000 questions. Sunday was car washing, racquetball, and Borderlands. We spent most of the weekend offline and just chilling together.
• I had a dental exam on Friday morning. Minot lost all my records (not that they had many) so they needed to get me seen to get my records started. Someone messed up and decided that I needed a command sponsership exam. So they took x-rays and cleared me to live overseas, you know, where I already live. Then they decided to clean my teeth. That was interesting. It took less than 10 minutes and I’ve had very temperature sensitive teeth since then. So, thanks docs?
• Oh yeah, my dental tech asked where I was from. When I told him “Texas” he practically fell out of the room shouting that he just knew it. He knew it because, and I quote, “When I saw you I just knew you had to be from Texas, because everything is bigger in Texas: thighs, butts, breasts. Texas women are thick and every black guy wants to be with a thick, white woman (his words, not mine). In Georgia, where I’m from, the white women aren’t thick in a good way. I’d get in so much trouble if I ever went to Texas with all the thick women.” I wish that I could make this up. But he really said that and then went around telling everyone that walked by that I was from Texas. It was very…interesting.
• Heidelberg Castle was really cool. Check out the pics on my other blog. We’ll be heading back once it’s warmer and the gardens have been prepped for Spring.
• We’re going to Paris on Saturday. I’m really excited. We have to be on the bus at 0400, but at least we get to sleep during the drive down. We get a city tour with stops for pictures at the Eiffel Tower, Arch de Triumphe, and Notre Dame. We’ll have free time for lunch, shopping, sight seeing (we’re hitting up the palace) before they take us to an included 5 course dinner. The night will be capped off with a boat ride on the Seine before they bus us back to base with an estimated arrival time of 0430. Should be a fun way to spend 24 hours. And I’ll have been to Paris.
• We’ve also confirmed our trip to Rome with my inlaws in April. Again, I’m quite excited. I really like my inlaws, MommaJ and I get along quite well. We’re going to visit all the hot spots as well as take a train out to an Italian beach.
• Our cruise is planned but on hold because we don’t know when that damnable last chance tournament for handball is going to be. And they’re now saying the 15th-30th of May. Which would really suck seeing as we’re supposed to get to be in CO and on a cruise during that time period. So now I’m praying really hard that B is just an alternate now. Which he probably will be seeing as they want to take the same team and the two guys that were ahead of him before should be able to go now.
• Even with the cruise on hold though, I’ve bought my bikini! It’s winging it’s way to me now courtesy of VS. I’ll be ordering my MoH dress very soon too, so I’m kicking the exercise into high gear. Thankfully the PMS is dying down so my weight and inches are back to where they should be. I’ve gotten so much better about getting in my water and vegetables. With my crazy schedule, I’m sticking with 1 coke zero a day (sometimes 2 if it’s a long day or if I have really bad cramps).
• Speaking of bad cramps, they wouldn’t leave me alone during exercise today. I still ran two miles at a 9:15 pace and managed 400 crunches. Not a fabulous workout, but I have some stuff coming to help with that. First, B found me some headphones that I should be able to use and we’re gearing up the road-trip mp3 player for me to use. Second, in addition to my at home weights, we’ve ordered a floor mat so that I can do ab work here at home. The plan is to add 1 fitness page from Cosmo to my regular workout routine. I’m going to be doing them in the morning. I say them because while there are a couple that focus on the whole core, some are muscle group specific, so I’ll be mixing and matching those to get a good quick workout every morning. Just an extra little toning session. That way I don’t feel guilty for upping the intensity on the cardio side of things at the gym.
• I think that about covers it. My decision to be happy is mostly sticking. I’ve had a few down moments mostly spurred by hunger and PMS. Trying really hard to just make that decision and not second guess it.

~The Countess~

OBB: Week ?

I’ve lost track of my weeks. And I know that I could go back and just check, but, I’m feeling lazy. Besides, starting next week I’ll be adding in my new diet modifications, so I’ll restart a count then.

Last week was an awesome gym week. This week has been pretty good too. I’ve started running my miles slower – but longer and more consistently. Instead of sprinting a mile in under seven minutes and then gasping for breath/holding my side together for the next seven, I’m running for 30-40 minutes at a 10:30 pace and feeling good at the end. Tired, but good.

About the only bummer here has been my results. I’m still sitting right around 156; my measurements are still fluctuating around the same inch or so. I’m feeling great and on good days I can sort of see results. I can feel the firmer ab muscles, but they’re hiding.

But, let’s say I run on the elliptical for 33 minutes around level 12. Today that equaled 3.30 miles and 300 calories. Now, K from last week would come home and decide she was hungry. And since she had worked out she would have a “healthy” snack – typically wheat thins with laughing cow cheese and maybe some fruit – and right there she would negate the 300 calories that she had burned. Now, it’s simple math to know that calories in has to be less than calories out in order to lose weight. Which brings me to the new health resolutions for March:

1. No more soda. None. No Mountain Dew. No Coke Zero. Sodas are about to become a treat only for me. It needs to happen. I used to only drink diet sodas, but B drinks MD so I’ve been drinking it. And those empty calories add up.

2. No more late night snacking. This is costing me anywhere from 200-500 calories right before bed. They couldn’t be more useless. I want to actually feel the results of my workouts and not “blow” them by stuffing my face later. I also want the freedom to eat what I want at meals (within reason) which I can do if I’m not trying to eat again right before bed.

Enough of what I’m not doing anymore, here’s what I’m doing:

1. Eating breakfast. It seems like a no-brainer. But B and I have just finally started getting up early enough to actually eat breakfast. It’s my least favorite meal because I’m all cranky about not being in bed anymore. My goal for March is to eat either a fiber muffin (Fiber One makes amazing apple cinnamon and blueberry bran muffin mixes, yummy and good for you) or a bowl of oatmeal with a banana. Something warm and filling plus a fruit serving!

2. Up my fruit and veggie intake. I’ve gotten halfway decent at the 1 of each a day. Now I’m going for 2 a day. Some days this is easier than others. Sometimes I crave a salad, other times I crave french fries. My goal for now is to cut down on the amount I give in to french fries by subbing in the veggies.

3. Drink more water. And juice – mainly orange juice fortified with calcium (because I don’t drink milk, blech) but also some V8 Splash. I need to drink more liquids that hydrate me.

The hope is that all of this will just become part and parcel with every day life. Not to mention result in me being down 10 lbs by my cruise. I’m ready to see the chanegs that I’m working so hard on achieving. I don’t just want to feel them, I want to see them.

~The Countess~

OBB: Rewards

What drives your motivation? What keeps you moving when you want to quit? How do you reward yourself for sticking with a plan?

I’ve had to answer all of these questions recently as I’ve started down this path of changing the status quo with my exercise. I’ve always been the nominally in shape girl – a little effort goes a long way for me. I’m tall, let’s face it, I can get away with a lot of things that shorter girls can’t. I also have a really fast metabolism, sucks for alcohol but is awesome for eating. Making the tiniest changes to my diet can make me look slender. Heck, I know how to dress my body to it’s thinnest advantage.

That said, I’m not as slender as I want to be. I want to have that confident edge that comes with knowing that I’m in kick-ass shape. I want to know that, at the end of the day, I’ve done everything I can to be a healthy me. I also want to be able to enjoy eating whatever I want every now and then without freaking out.

But those feelings are not the greatest of motivators when facing the gym after a long day of work. Neither is B’s cheering section. Especially since his workout buddy has reappeared and I have been relegated to working out alone. (They just can’t work out when I can, otherwise we’d all go together) Both are great motivators, and aesthetically speaking should be all I need. . .

Yeah, I’m still a girl. I still like shinies and sparklies and other assorted pretties. Besides this is Operation Bikini Body. So it makes sense that my end goal, my reward, and my motivation would be a bikini. Or two actually. My plan is to feel in shape enough to order these sometime in March, maybe April, depending on when I have to go buy a MoH dress.

I scoured the Victoria’s Secret webpage in search of the perfect bikini for me. I narrowed it down from 250 to 4. B picked out his favorite two. They are currently wish-listed and the plan is to get 1 pair of bottoms and 2 different tops. I’m pretty excited about them.

I'd get both top and bottom here.

And just the top here.

I like the first set of bottoms, because I know from experience that the fold-over tops on them are more forgiving and less likely to cut into the skin and give the muffin top syndrome.

What works for you to keep you going to the gym even when you don’t want to? Do you have any rewards planned for yourself?

~The Countess~

OBB: Week 4

This has been a rough week. I still haven’t regained my equilibrium from last weekend. I’ve been a moody, emotional mess. My three workouts this week? Every one has been a drag.

To recap the week:

Monday: No workout due to a long talk with B followed by dinner and a movie to find balance.

Tuesday: Aborted Jillian Michael’s workout due to almost passing out during it.

Wednesday: Ran 1 mile in 7:22, aborted the strength training due to being tired/hungry/moody.

Thurdsay: No workout due to date night with B.

Friday: Ran 1 mile in 6:50, completed 250 crunches, 30 squats, and 20 lunges before I pulled an arm muscle and quit.

Wednesday and Friday were my most successful days. I am right proud of those two runs. My goal is to slowly (haha) work up to running 1.5 miles at the same pace, than 2, etc. I want to be able to run 1.5 miles in 10 minutes come Spring. That’s about how fast B can run it and anything he can do – I want to do too. (Excepting the whole carry a 50 lb gun on a 10 mile hike straight uphill, he can keep that military crap.)

Measurements:

Weight: 156.7 (-.3lbs)

Hips: 37.5 (-1.5 from last week, -2.5 overall)

Abs: 36.5 (-.5 from last week, -1.5 overall)

Waist: 27 (same)

I have no idea what my body has been up to. My eating habits are better, but they weren’t great this week. I barely worked out, didn’t feel any of the workouts and I come out with results like this.

We have a new fancy-dancy weight/height/bmi/body fat machine at the gym. I messed up the body fat measurements (stood with my arms bent at the elbow instead of straight out) so I’ll retake those on Monday. Even as it came through, 24% I’m pretty pleased. It puts me at the top end of the “Good” range for my age group. The ranges are excellent, good, average, and poor. My plan for now is to use the machine once a week as it gives much more accurate weight results than the old clunker scale in the locker room. Downside is that I have to weigh with clothes on, still, I’m reporting that weight and not trying to figure out how much I can knock off for my clothes.

How go your workouts? What works best for you – dramatic or gradual change in habits?

~The Countess~

Operation Bikini Body

It is so on. I decided last week right after I’d posted my Goals post that I wanted to call this Operation Bikini Body (OBB) for short, but it was late so I went to bed. By the next morning it’d already been commented on a couple of times, so I just went with it. Now however, I am launching OBB.

I’ve never worn a bikini in my life. I’ve always been afraid too. I worry that I’m not skinny enough, busty enough, tanned enough, toned enough…enough, enough, enough. But, I’ve noticed girls my size wearing bikinis and looking cute. Always I have been too afraid.

Hello, my name start’s with K and I have self-esteem issues. I’m 5’10 and have been since I was about thirteen. I went from being a half inch shorter than my sister to three-quarters of an inch taller than her – in a week. I was all elbows and knees. I was head and shoulders taller than all my friensd. Of course, being girls the weight conversation happened frequently in my group. They all talked about being under 100 lbs. I felt heavy when I told them I was 120. I lied. I weighed 140 lbs – and was skinny. Right then, weight became my nemesis. But my nemesis to be battled secretly. I pretended at confidence and hoped it would come. I pretended that I was pretty and hoped it would be true. I pretended that being tall and slender was a good thing and hoped no one told me otherwise. I had someone tell me I could be a model – if I was willing to be a plus sized model. Who says that to a size eight 16 year old?

All of this, combined with coming from a relatively conservative household meant that I never wore a bikini. I’m changing that this year. I am finally becoming proud of who I am. I don’t care about the number on the scale. I care about how I feel. For example, when I posted Goals I started at 157. A week later I’m still at 157 but I’ve lost inches off my measurements. Of course I still want to see that number go down. But, honestly? I’ve been in the mid150s since college. I still wear clothes from college. I was a size 8 then and I’m one now.

I’m buying a bikini this year – yeah, I’m going to eat healthier and exercise – but I’m getting one no matter the outcome of this little operation.

Weight: 157 (same)

Waist: 27 (same)

Abs: 36 (-2)

Hips: 39 (-1)

Thighs: I’m not measuring them. I like my legs, they can stay as they are. Besides, this number is probably going to climb seeing my new workout routine.

Eating: I managed to eat at least 1 serving of fruits and 1 of veggies every day. Even when I was sick. I’m starting to snack smarter – I’ll drink water or eat an apple right when I get hungry and most of the time that knocks it out. If not, then I move on to wheat thins and laughing cow cheese. My goal is to slowly increase the amount of fruits and veggies. We’re still sticking with our not eating out plan. It’s been awesome for both of us.

Water:  Ever since we started buying bottled water, I can now drink water without getting sick. I’m back to drinking it with meals as well as inbetween. I’m currently probably intaking 4-5 glasses a day. I’m also going to work on upping this amount too. I’m also drinking at least on glass of calcium fortified oj every day. I don’t drink milk, so this (plus the cheese) is helping me get my calcium. I’m down to only drinking one diet soda a day and come Lent, I may cut the soda out completely.

Workout: I only made it to the gym twice this week. Monday and today. On Tuesday they were closed for an electrical fire, Wednesday I was running a fever, and Thursday we hosted a dinner party. B is currently making me go 5 days a week. I’m supposed to go weekdays, but if I miss, then I have to make it up on weekends. That means we’ll be hitting the gym (or doing a workout video) tomorrow and Sunday. On Monday at the gym I decided to push my running and see what I can do. I managed two miles at a 9:22 pace on level 8 on the elliptical. Today I again decided to push and did 1.5 miles in 12:43. On both days I did my new strength routine: 500 crunches, 50 squats and 50 lunges. It goes something like this:

Crunches 1 : 50 obliques, 50 regular

Squats 1: 2 reps of 15 squats with shoulder press (5lb hand weights)

Crunches 2: 50 reverse, 50 regular

Lunges 1: 2 reps of 10 (1 w/each leg forward) with tricep dips (5lb hand weights)

Crunches 3: 50 reverse kicks, 50 regular

Squats 2: 2 reps of 10 with arm raises (5lb hand weights)

Crunches 4: 50 oblique, 50 regular

Lunges 2: 2 reps of 15 (same as before) with bicep curls (5lb hand weights)

Crunches 5: 100 regular

I’m not going to lie, it’s intense. I’m a little achy all over – but in a good way. I’m keeping it up. After all, I have a cruise on the horizon for my honeymoon. Not to mention, that B and I have decided to have a vow renewal ceremony. But that will be a post all it’s own. Trust me, I’m getting excited.

~The Countess~