Blur

Sometimes it feels like life slows to a crawl. You hang poised, waiting for action but frozen from making any progress on your own. You pull against the reins that are holding you back to no avail. The struggle leaves you exhausted and frustrated, but still not moving.

And then? Life snaps into action. Everything blurs out as you race from essential task to essential task. There is hardly time to sleep much less eat or relax. The fury springs up and rushes you along with it, threatening constantly to overwhelm you.

This is where I’ve been for the last little bit. First, we were waiting. We found out 3.5 months ago that we’d be moving and it’s been a long wait to get here. 2.5 months ago I quit teaching in preparation for the move. My life was put on pause as I waited for the orders that were always coming at the end of the week. Then, two weeks ago today, they came. And the flood of things to do began. We had two lists in my iPhone notes, a calendar event for every item we needed done, and a main folder each with the important papers we needed with us at all times.

Seriously, I’ve barely had time to sit down and unwind. And what little free time we had was spent cramming in every last second of time with friends that we could. From a trip away to Switzerland just for us to late night dinners and drinks. We embraced the last of our life in Germany.

Today was the culmination of the chaos. 0400 wake-up call. On the shuttle by 0500. Navigating an airport with a 50lb dog and his 20 lb kennel and 4 other 30-50 lb bags. Clearing security and having them search my bag due to the dog toys. Flying. Buying my first ever tourist visa and clearing more security (this time the dog leash was the culprit that had to be re-x-rayed). Flying one last time. Clearing customs. Clearing base security. And settling in.

And if you think I’m tired? You should feel bad for my puppy who spent 10 long hours in his kennel and had to fly for the first time. He was amazing. No poop or pee in the kennel at all. He’s crashed out on the floor of our apartment right now.

Speaking of which, these temporary quarters? They’re amazing. I was expecting a hotel room with maybe a small kitchenette. We have a 2 br apartment with a kitchen/living/dining area and a laundry room. Not to mention the wifi. It will be a great pace to call home until we get an actual house.

Life was at a crawl and then a blur. I’m hoping that it will settle into a more normal pace for the next little while.

~The Countess~

Crazy Changes

This morning was supposed to be fairly relaxed. We’d decided that we would sleep in, have B go to his meeting and then run our only two errands in the afternoon. Then we’d pack for Switzerland, have dinner with a friend, and escape the chaos until next week. Someone, somewhere is cackling mercilessly at my naivete. After we lazed in bed until the last possible moment, I was taking a decadently long shower when B stuck his head into the room. He told me that the guy doing our pre-move walk through would be there in 15 minutes. I sort of gasped but wasn’t too worried, until our buzzer rang. B threw clothes into the bathroom and I hurriedly dressed while he let the guy into our house. And that’s where it all changed.

Remember yesterday’s schedule? It looked something like this:

17-20 Feb: Vacation

21-22 Feb: Prep everything for move

23 Feb: Moving Day one

24 Feb: Moving Day two

27 Feb: Final out

28 Feb: B and Loki fly to Turkey

2 March: Kendra flies to Turkey

It was rushed, but it was a relaxed rush. We had plenty of days to figure out shipping the car, clearing with housing and the landlady, and all those fun things. Not so much anymore. The new schedule, after some haggling to keep from having to cancel our vacation for the movers is:

17-20 Feb: Vacation

21 Feb: Moving Day

23 Feb: Military reclaims loaned appliances

24 Feb: Ship car, vet appointment, and clear housing

27 Feb: B takes test, clears base, go to Frankfurt via shuttle

28 Feb: Fly to new home

I mean, it’s not a huge change. But we’ve lost several free days to organize the house. We’ll do some this afternoon and some Monday night once we’re home. And the rest? Well, they’ll just have to pack up our chaos. Their own damn fault for changing everything on us anyway.

Anyway, I have a lot that I should be doing. And another blog to update in order to have a touch more down time.

~The Countess~

Discombobulated

There is so much going on that I’m having difficulties in comprehending everything, though that could be the antihistamines talking. There’s so much that I want to say, so much that I need to do, and yet, when I try to say or do things, it’s like I’m grasping at straws that are just beyond my reach. I get an idea and it’s gone before I can verbalize it. And this swirl of chaos is my life for the next few weeks. I hope that I can find coherence somewhere in all of this because I can’t imagine being stuck unable to process anything for too much longer.

Everything is progressing shockingly smoothly with our orders and the move. We will be gone from Germany in two weeks. Looking around my house right now, that’s really hard to believe and yet it is true. We leave on Friday for Switzerland and get back on Monday. On the following Thursday and Friday they will pick up all of our belongings. On the next Tuesday B and Loki will fly out. I will follow them at the end of that week. On the third Friday I will see my new home for two years. I’m excited and I’m nervous.

Life is a dance of jumping through hoops, dropping off paperwork, and finding more to sign. It’s a chaos of cleaning, planning, and knowing that we won’t have a fridge starting next Thursday. One week until I can’t cook again for who knows how long. They never can tell you how long it will take to get you a house. And then of course it’s anyone’s guess about how long it’ll be before your belongings show up.

I’m running around armed with my copy of orders and all of my power of attorney’s. I have four. A general one, one to ship our car, one to ship our belongings, and one to change our financial allotments. Crazy, no? If we lived in the States we would just need the general one. But because we’re here we have to have the fancy specific ones.

I told B last night that I don’t want to move. And I don’t. I hate this process. I just want to be in our new home. I want to magically wake up and be there without the inbetween of getting there. At least B is the one that has to navigate a commercial airport with the pup. There are no pet slots on the base to base flights for the next month. So commercial and with B he goes. That’ll be a sight. B will have the pup and his giant kennel, a carry on, plus two suitcases. And no, I won’t be there to help. They have to be at the airport at three in the morning, I love them both, but I’m not that crazy.

Anyway, dinner won’t cook itself and we are trying to eat at home every now and then. We’re out so much between saying goodbye to friends and needing to get things done that the kitchen feels abandoned. Hopefully I’ll start to make more sense soon.

~The Countess~

Snow Day

It’s been a quiet weekend around here y’all. We’ve done lots of cuddling, watched four movies, and just generally spent the weekend chilling out. It was a needed respite.

The chaos surrounding our move is still there. The hang up in our orders? My address in the military system was our military mailing address. Evidently that’s not what they want. It’s supposed to be a physical address. We fixed that today and once again should have orders by the end of today. I’m not holding my breath.

I’ve been sick the whole weekend too. I swear that head colds and cramps should never be allowed at the same time. The cramps just make me want to lie down and yet I cannot breathe if I’m horizontal. Evidently I was so tired/drugged that I fell asleep while B was holding my last night and when he went to move away I kept grabbing his hand to hold on to.

Yet none of that really mattered this weekend. We ventured briefly out into the cold, but mostly just spent our time on our couch at home. We went on long, meandering walks through the snow filled woods and laughed at the antics of our silly puppy.

It wasn’t really a snow day. But that’s what it reminded me of. Not that we had many in Texas and the few we did have were really more like ice days. It was just a few days, at home, to take a break, not worry about what else is going on, and just exist together.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the little things. The small things in life that are the important things. Curling up and watching a movie with your husband or spending an afternoon in bed just talking and cuddling. Taking a dog for a walk. Using skype to call family back home. Sending a post card in the mail or even receiving one. Helping out a stranger, just because you’re in a place where you can. Licking the frosting out of the can after icing a cake. Laughing with friends.

The “little” people in life who are the important ones. Not celebrities. Not world events. But the everyday people and occurrences who make such a difference in my life. B, our families, friends new and old, friends far and near, my piano teacher, my lace teachers, and so many others. People who most will never know or meet. People, who to most of the world are but one person, but to some select few are the world.

I want to remember these more. Because there is happiness in the smallness of life. It’s not just in the big, grand gestures.

Life.

Liberty.

The Pursuit of Happiness.

All are big things. But they’re big things made up of smaller things. And I’m finding that the pursuit of happiness is a faster journey when you take joy in the everyday moments.

~The Countess~

Edited to Add: Our orders just came in! So happy and excited!

Excitement Building

After over 2 months of waiting, we should finally have our orders by the weekend. The moving stage is finally about to begin. And I’m so, freaking, excited.This may not fully compute to you, but I was so excited that I deep cleaned my kitchen in preparation for pack out. I cannot wait to leave behind this base and move on to what lies ahead.

Turkey. A whole new country. A whole new base. A whole new experience.

This doesn’t mean that I’m not going to miss people from here. I will. Some of my students and a couple of friends will be dearly missed. I’ll miss the travel opportunities, the sushi restaurant just down the road, and the big base with a Chili’s on it. But today is not a day for being melancholy over moving. Today is the day to be excited about it happening.

I’m excited about:

~Living in a new country~ I love moving. I love new experiences and I love new places. Between this factoid and my job, I really am the perfect military wife. 2-3 years is about all the time I care to spend in any given location. I have no idea what I’ll do if we ever actually settle down in one place. Probably just travel a lot.

~Having our own home~ Okay, I know that we will just be tenants in military housing, but we will have a free standing home to ourselves for the first time ever. I actually, secretly, kind of hope we don’t get the most newly renovated of houses, that way I can get approved to paint and the like. I just want to turn a house into a home for us and we’ll have two years in it, so I’m pretty excited about picking out curtains and bathroom stuff and the like.

~Cheap furniture~ Honestly, cheap everything. Everyone has a tailor/seamstress and you can pick out patterns and fabric and just have a dress made for you. You can walk into a furniture store and show a picture from a magazine and they’ll build it for you. I fully plan on getting at least a full bedroom set and dining room chairs while we are there. And I already have a couple of dresses that need tailoring and I’ll probably get at least one made just to say that I did. We fully plan on building B’s suit wardrobe while we’re there too.

~Close Beaches~ I’m a beach girl. I’m so excited to only live 30 minutes from the Mediterranean. I’m so excited about all of the all-inclusives in the area. Yes, I fully plan to spend all my spare time lazing on a beach. At least this should cost us next to nothing. Frugal fun, my favorite.

~17-20 February~ In just over a week, B and I are going on a Swiss Alps ski trip. I cannot wait to have a weekend away with him. The skiing is a bonus. One that I’m somewhat nervous about. I haven’t skied since college, but I don’t know when I’ll ever have another chance to ski in the Alps. Totally not passing up on this.

There’s so much more. Life just went and got all exciting again. I’m thrilled to be on this crazy ride.

~The Countess~

 

50 Questions: Part Two

Questions from here

1. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

This feels like a bit of a trick question. Because my answer is exactly the work I’m doing now. I love teaching music. I love watching a kid’s face light up when he/she gets it. I love the laughter and giggling that accompanies each and every lesson. I love knowing that I’m spreading one of my greatest joys to the rest of the world.

2. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

I don’t believe in settling. Life is too short and grand to settle for anything less than what I believe in. I sometimes think that somewhere along the way that the pursuit of happyness got changed to keeping up with the Joneses and we forgot that life should be enjoyed. If we’d worry about money a little less and about enjoying life a little more I think we might find that it would take less money to make us happy.

3. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

I don’t think I would. I would hope that we wouldn’t, as a society, spend over half of it in education. And yet, we can see historically that we didn’t. Teen marriages, lots of kids, way less education. These were born out of a shorter life span. If you were to tell me today that I had less than 14 years left of life though, I would keep living it exactly as I do now. To the fullest with the man I love.

4. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

Define control. I chose what college to go to and what subject to major in. At the end of grad school I chose what city and which friends to move in with when I couldn’t afford a place of my own. That choice and my inability to back out of plans with friends, is what led me to meeting B. And from there, I haven’t controlled a damn thing. That belonged solely in the realm of love and now the USAF. They control everything.

In all seriousness though, life is a series of choices and happenstances that lead to more choices and happenstances. But I made the choice to go dancing that night. It was happenstance that we met, right? Or was it not. B had only ended his long term, long distance relationship the weekend before. Happenstance or choices? B made the choice to text me the next day. We both knew he had less than a month in town. We were both just looking for a positive dating experience to kind of blow off the last bad relationship we’d each had. Neither one of us was looking for long distance or love. But was it happenstance or choice that we met? Honestly? I don’t care. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me, even if that means not having near as much control over my life as I did before.

5. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

Well, while I am one of those weird control freaks who has her dvd shelf organized alphabetically within genre, and her bookshelf alphabetically by author; I’d much rather do the right things than worry about doing things right. I guess I feel that there is leeway in how exactly to define something being done “right” and less so in what is actually right. Not that I really worry about either.

Anecdotally, when B and I moved in with each other before we were married it wasn’t the “right way” of doing things. Especially to my conservative Protestant parents and his conservative Catholic parents. When we got married ten days after getting engaged, at a court house with no one there but our witnesses, that wasn’t the “right way” to do it. And yet, it was the right decision to make both times.

~The Countess~

OBB 2012: February

Happy First Saturday of February! It’s hard to believe that we’ve already said goodbye to the first month of the year. I’m okay with that though, because these winter months have never been my favorite. February brings us that much closer to the glorious summer months where I will be living very close to a beach. Oh beaches, how I’ve missed thee.

January actually went pretty well for me. Here are my goals and a recap of how I did.

• Work out with B on every off day. So this goal modified very quickly into trying to do it. His off days fly by so quickly that we were always having to choose between the gym and walking the dog. So we bought an elliptical. This way we can walk the dog and still get in a workout.
  
• Do something physically active on days when I don’t go to the gym. I have successfully walked the dog about 75% of the days of the year so far. Some I missed because it’s rainy and I don’t do walks in the cold rain.
  
• Eat well. This one I’d mark about 50-50. I have slipped back into just eating out on B’s off days instead of insisting that we eat at home. And not just for one meal, no we’re back to eating out the majority of the meals on his off days out. And that’s just not acceptable. However, I’ve kept my portions under control and have been drinking more water. I maintained this month and I’m fine with it. I’ve found a happy place, weight wise, for my body.
  
• Research and pick something to work on self worth, self confidence, etc. I found a book to read and a journal to write in. The book was called Angry Conversations with Godand was written by Susan E. Isaacs. I also picked up a devotional journal called the Frazzled Female. I think I’ve completed 2 days in it so far. It’s a start.
  
• Shower, do my hair and make up every day. Hahahahaha, hahaha, haha, yeah… So, I did shower most days at least. Typically not until much later in the day. Especially since I now have the excuse of using the elliptical. Which I’ve only done twice in the week we’ve had it. Hmm, that actually doesn’t sound as bad to me now.

So, overall, I’m pretty happy with how January has turned out. I’m pretty happy with my body right now. I still think I want to try to lose another 5 pounds, but I’m also pretty sure that won’t be happening until we move. Because, oh yeah, we still haven’t moved and probably won’t until the end of this month. So once again, I’m facing a month where they will come take away all my belongings and ship them off to my new home. With that in mind, here are February’s goals.

• Actually use the journal that I bought. And you know, for more than just a paper weight. This is more about spending time focused on me (and God) and less about the actual subject matter of the book. Though I definitely feel like a frazzled female these days.
• Drink more water. I got out of the habit of drinking large quantities of water every day and I want to get back into it. I’ve done better this past week, but I still have a long way to go.
• Quit eating out senselessly. This is what I call it when we decide to go to base to run errands at 1100 and just go instead of eating at home first. It has to stop. We tend to just eat junky fast food that makes my body feel gross. Of course, the caveat is that once they take away my belongings I won’t have much to cook with, okay more like nothing. So, yeah, I’m going to have to figure this one out a bit.
• Use the elliptical while we still have it. I want to use it at least half of B’s work days and half of his off days. I don’t even have to use it for long. I normally walk for an hour with the pup so even 15-20 minutes would be good. But I’m way too good at justifying not using it.

That’s it for February. Nothing too lofty seeing as how we’re supposed to be moving. Just some goals to keep me rolling until we’re in our new home. And then it’s game on for getting healthier and maybe losing these last five pounds.

~The Countess~

Still Choosing Happy

It’s working y’all.

I’m not saying everything is sunshine, roses, and unicorns, but it’s getting pretty damn close. I still have my moments of ups and downs, but choosing happy is becoming less of a choice and more of a reflex.

We’ve had a lot going on here this last month. I should be writing this from our new base in Turkey, but alas, I’m still on my couch in Germany. We still don’t have orders and we’re still not sure when we’ll get them. I won’t lie, this is freaking me out a bit. I’m not too thrilled by the idea of having to stay behind in Germany in order to get everything to the next base. But, and this is where it’s big, I’m not shutting down over it. It isn’t paralyzing me or leaving me feeling like I can’t do anything.

I have managed to get out and walk Loki for at least an hour at least every other day. I do it most days, but every now and then I have a lot going on and can’t get out there. I believe that this has helped tremendously. It’s not “Exercise” and it’s not going to the gym, so there’s no pressure on me there to do it or feel guilty. But it is exercise and I do get endorphins from it and just that little bit has helped so much. I feel best on the days that I get up and walk Loki before lunch.

It’s little things. Small changes. But they’re having a huge impact on my life right now. I feel better and more hopeful than I have in months. Sometimes I feel the sadness looming, like a shadowy monster waiting to descend on me; but that’s when I get up and do something else. Find something to distract me. I’m not going back.

I’ve chosen happy and that’s where I’m going to stay.

~The Countess~