gratuitous mt rainier photo
The other day my sister in law posted to Facebook that she was out on her daily run and about to call it good when she remembered her Tough Mudder was coming up so she kept going. She ran 6 miles at a 9:52 pace. My first thought on reading it was simply, “dang” because I’m impressed and to tell her that because everyone likes encouragement, right? My second thought was of a conversation we had back in March where she mentioned hating running and not really doing it for more than a mile or two. Its hard to feel jealous though, because I know that in order for to have gotten better she had to put serious work into it.
Do better to be better.
I want to be better at running. So I need to run more. One interval workout a week doesn’t cut it. I need to run my full miles, do my interval work outs, lift weights, and cross train. I need to get up early on days I don’t have time to work out after work. I need to quit making excuses and start following through on plans.
I want to be healthier. So I need to make healthier choices. A walk with the dogs after dinner. Water to drink throughout the day. Less junk food and more real food. No more soda unless I’m mixing it with alcohol.
I want my relationship with B to better. So I have to work to make it better. Less nagging. Remembering that we’re on the same team. Finding my own interests. Not assuming the worst interpretation of what he says. More gratefulness for what he does for me. More balance in our lives together.
I want to be better. So I have to do better.
I needed to clean my house this morning. It’s been awhile since I’ve done certain things, like scrub the showers and deep cleaned the kitchen. Plus, we’re going out of town for the weekend so I wanted a head start for next week. I can’t really think of anything worse than coming back at midnight on a Sunday night to a dirty house and piles of laundry Instead, I’ll come back to a clean house and no piles of anything.
My plans for this morning where particularly robust. Wake up at 0730, go for a run, come home and eat breakfast, clean the house, shower, make lunch. All good things. Except, you know, I’m not the person who will wake up at 0730 without an alarm. Which of course I didn’t set.
Instead, I woke up at 0830, called my Mom and tried to talk myself out of cleaning the house. I whined inside my head that there wasn’t really time anymore because I only had two and half hours before I was supposed to start lunch and how was I supposed to manage to do everything before then?
I turned on Pandora. I tweeted that I needed to clean my house. And I got up off my couch and just did it. First round of cleaning was sweeping, vacuuming, dusting, and starting laundry. It took all of forty minutes. After a quick five minute break, it was on to cleaning the bathrooms. Both rooms took all of 20 minutes. After another short break, it was on to the kitchen and the next load of laundry. Suddenly, it was two hours after I had woken up and I had a clean house.
I’m trying not to dwell on how many times I’ve put off sweeping or vacuuming in the last week because I don’t have the time to do it. I’m trying not to add up the minutes of procrastination instead of just doing it. What I do know, without any dwelling or adding, is that it takes way less time to do a thing than to not do it.
It’s funny, my twitter feed is replete with lamentations by friends about being a bad adult because of what they ate for dinner or due to skipping a responsibility. It also features it share of those who claim that the perks of being an adult is getting to make those choices. I say funny, because this echoes the thought in my head that there are good choices and bad choices, indelible rights and wrongs for being an adult.
Going to the gym is always the right or good choice. Eating a home cooked meal similarly falls in that bucket. Skipping the gym for a cheeseburger and fries is a bad choice of the first order.
But what if it isn’t?
What if the right choice is the one that makes you happiest? Sure, going to the gym makes me happy as does eating a delicious home cooked dinner. But, sometimes mercury is in retrograde or it’s a Tuesday and what my soul needs is a cheeseburger, fries, and an evening of video games with my beloved. It may not make me skinnier, healthier, or richer but it does make me happier and isn’t that important too?
What if self care and being an adult was less about making some arbitrarily right or wrong choice and more about making the best choice for yourself at a given time? Some days, that’s the gym and cooking at home. Some days it’s meeting friends for drinks. It can be staying at home and reading a good book or going out and playing putt putt. It can be a day spent with chores followed by a night of wine and board games.
I think, for me, being an adult has meant realizing that there is no one right or wrong answer to most things. And that really, taking care of myself is far more complex than following preset rules.
Last night, we skipped the gym and went out then came home to walk the dogs and play video games. Tonight, I’ll cook at home and hope to go for a run if the weather holds out for me. Tomorrow, I’ll make the best choice for that day’s given circumstances. For the future, I’ll quit feeling like I have to justify my choices.
It’s so hard to know what to come here and say. I’ve always only done this for me, yet, without community it’s a lonely place to be. I mean, if a blog post was published and no one reads it was it really there?
My weeks look much the same here. Struggle my way through work. Make the most of weekends that are far too short. Strive to always work out more and eat better. I suppose these are the doldrums of life.
We’re on the verge of change again. The separation date is looming. B has stacked up multiple conditional offers. But how can I share something that might not even be?
Here I am. In limbo once more.
September. You’re here and it seems there’s nothing I can do to stop your progression. You bear the threat of cooler days, longer nights, and less sunshine. You also carry the hope of the future, job hunting, and moving. I’m hoping we can come out of this, if not friends, at least better than frenemies.
All jokes of being frenemies with a month of the year aside, September is shaping up to be an interesting month. B has three job interviews on the calendar, with a fourth pending and several more applications floating out in the nebulous waiting to be scheduled. He’s still progressing on the Fed job front with offers from two agencies. Unfortunately for me, that means he leaves this weekend and spare a twelve hour turn around, will be gone for two weeks, then back four days, then gone for another weekend.
I’m feeling a bit lost at what to do with all the alone time I’ll have. I’m a hard core extrovert. I reenergize by spending time with people that I like. While some of the need to socialize has quieted thanks to working amongst people every day, I still like to spend my weekend with a good mix of socializing and being lazy. With B leaving me every weekend this month, I need a game plan. More than filling the weekends though, I need a plan for the lonelier week nights when the house I’ll come home to is empty.
First, I plan to delay going home by working out every day after work. Even on Fridays, unless I get invited to dinner by someone, I want to log some time at the gym. Second, even though it’s a total pain in the butt to do, I plan to walk the dogs as often as the weather will let me, even if it means bringing out the dreaded gentle leaders. Third, I’m going to come up with a meal plan for the entire time that he is gone so that I don’t give in to the whisper that take out is easier. Fourth, I’m going to try and read at least four books in September. And fifth, I’m going to commit to working at least four days a week on learning Spanish.
Do you have any goals for September?
My FIL sent us the pictures he took at the wedding today. To say that I was excited wouldn’t do my feelings full justice. They’re all over facebook, I’ve tweeted them, and now I’m including some in my blog post. While I want to blog all the pictures, I also want to wait for the ones from my awesome photographer. But still, how can you not love photos involving a wedding party with guns?
don’t mess with the bridal party
Since coming back from the wedding, I’ve felt a little lost. I don’t have a project that consumes the majority of my free time. B is working like mad on his school and all his job applications. We know he’s out of the AF by year end, we just aren’t entirely sure when that date will be. What we do know is that he’s about to leave for two weeks to hit up three job interviews. Now I just need to find a project.
Reflections – Lows:
One of my coworkers got pretty snotty this week. Add that to the doldrums from wedding planning being over and I was pretty weepy this week. Still, a pizza buffet dinner followed by a run on Thursday seems to have majorly turned things around.
Reflections – Highs:
Some stuff at work is really going well. I received a thank you note from my supervisor for being so flexible and willing to help out. I’ve also been invited to join a focus group working toward improving our customer service. Too bad I’m leaving sooner rather than later.
Getting the pictures from my FIL for the wedding. These are definitely enough to to satiate my desire for pictures…at least for a little while. But seriously, it’s fun to see how just the snapshots turned out. I can’t wait to see what my photographers pulled off.
mr and mrs smith
Work out. I feel better when I get to the gym and work out. No more skipping to go home and cry.
Come up with a plan for while B is gone. He’s leaving me next Sunday for two weeks and I need a game plan for eating, working out, and just generally making it through with that much free time on my hands.
What’s on tap for you this week?
I’m in this odd place of not knowing what to do with myself. The wedding has come and gone. It was amazing and I have so many thoughts about it that are still swirling in my head. Now, though, I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. There’s no need to find a blissful routine seeing as this celebration didn’t change anything. We’re still in limbo as far as B’s work and where we’ll go next. I feel like I’m in the doldrums and I would very much like to not stay here for too long. Thus, I’m looking for momentum on anything in order to fight my way past the emptiness left by not needing to do one last thing for the wedding anymore.
Reflections – Lows:
Crying away most of today. I’ve just been at a loss for what to do with myself.
Reflections – Highs:
Basking in the glow of all the wonderful blessings that came from the wedding.
Going out with friends two days in a row this weekend. Having people to do things with definitely helps fight the doldrums.
Finding two pairs of comfy and still somewhat cute shoes for work and play. Even if that was accompanied with realizing that I need a bigger size than normal.
Work out four days this week. Since I don’t have a wedding to plan any more or a wedding dress to fit into (I almost got too small for it), I want to turn some of my focus back onto getting in shape.
Do a Duolingo Spanish lesson every day. In the same vein of fighting the doldrums, I want to learn Spanish. I figure it will be a useful language to know and I miss learning.
Enjoy every last ounce of somewhat nice weather. Our highs are already starting to drop and I want to eke out as much enjoyment as I can from the weather before things take a turn for the frigid.
What’s on tap for you this week?