Ever since I was a kid, I’ve suffered from mouth ulcers. I thought it was normal for people to bite the side of their mout accidentally and end up with a sore that lasted for close to two weeks.

I learned that it wasn’t while dealing with braces. Every adjustment brought bunches of the little things. As a teenager I was often miserable. It seemed that i had a canker sore more often than I didn’t. Because of this, I’ve tried more remedies than I can count. I’ve decided to share some of the more successful ones here.

L-lyseine: an oral vitamin supplement. I took it daily for a couple of years. It helped me get out of the cycle of constantly having ulcers. It is preventative and has no effect on any ulcers that do develop.

One of the less appetizing aspects of my job involves dealing with parents. I know that every teacher has to deal with parents, but, I’m a music teacher. A private piano instructor. At a really nice prep school. You would think this means that the parents would be better than average. I think they may be worse.

Example One: They cannot be held responsible for anything.

My younger students come once a week instead of their PE class. I regularly have two to three students a week forget their books. The parents then consider it my job to mak up a lesson. They wouldn’t send their child to school without their back pack or lunch. But, piano? That’s the teacher’s fault.

I have one student who keeps forgetting to come to the tune of only five out of fifteen lessons last semester. His dad told me that if I would just go hunt him down and ask his other teachers to help him get there tha we wouldn’t have that problem. This student is 12. That’s old enoughto be responsible for getting to their own classes.

Example Two: I am responsible for everything.

When administration reminded students halfway through last semester that if they were taking for credit then they had to practice daily at school, I caught all the flack from the parents. Couldn’t I make an exception for their student? It was unfair to expect them to practice because it’s only a pass fail course.

I’ve also been fussed at for failing to get a student registered for a test after the deadline. The mom got her student registered, but I had called the test administrators and they wouldn’t do it for me.

Example Three: They never get enough communication.

I lost an elementary student last semester because I didn’t communicate enough. Since I sent home weekly notes in his assignment book, this eithervstems from the mom not checking her email for the messages I sent or because I didn’t answer her phone call at 9 at night but waited to return it until the next day.

Another mom spoke to administration about my lack of communication. This one because she emailed me at 11:40 pm on a Thursday night. I was out of town all weekend. On Sunday I had food poisoning and responded only to her student’s email about adding an extra lesson. Because I didn’t email her too, she was upset about my not communicating. Forgive me for thinking that a 17 year old is old enough to schedule lessons at school with directly.

My boss tells me that these parents pay this much so that they can control every aspect of their child’s life. She didn’t see the problem with that statement. I get that we try to return emails within 24 hours. But I’m part time. I have other jobs and commitments. Outside of that, they don’t pay me to be their servant. I am not at their beck and call. The sense of entitlement these people have makes me sick.

And I know it comes with the job, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

~The Countess~

Round one is occurring in three weeks. He’ll be coming into town thanks to an unexpected government holiday. And he asked if I wanted him to meet my parents while he was here. Of course I jumped at the opportunity. They’ve been wanting to meet him, but with us doing the long distance thing and our time together being so limited it’s made it hard.

I’m honestly very excited. And a tad bit nervous. Obviously I want them all to get along. I’m not at all worried, but, it’s just a nervous energy thing.  Probably because I want so much for this to work out. Because I do. A lot.

~The Countess~

They can lighten unbearable loads. Joy shared is doubled and sorrow shared is halved. Bad days become good ones and good ones only improve.

Last week was a bit rough. I had a really bad day where I felt ill and work just agitated the snot out of me.  And as the week went on it seemed like the news only got worse. My dad’s sister found out that instead of having had Chron’s disease for the last four years she’s had intestinal cancer. It was definitely a week where I realized how much I needed my friends. The love and support of my friends helped with all of it. I felt better even if the situations didn’t improve, my attitude did.

I’ve always known that friends can help with hard times, but, it’s never been more realized in my life than now. I’m constantly amazed by how much just one person can turn the world around. It’s really awesome. I like it.

~The Countess~

I know that I’ve said it before. But, it bears repeating. Especially since I’m feeling particularly impatient today. I want it to be Friday so that I can go see my friends in Houston. I want it to be February so I can go visit my boyfriend. I want it to be any day other than today. Although, if it was today after work was done that would be fine. Except that it means that tomorrow is coming. And with it work.

I really love both of my jobs. But, I’m tired of working. I’m tired of people trying to change things on me at this late in the school year. Especially to systems that aren’t necessarily more efficient than the one that I am currently using. And it’s going to take me a lot of extra work with all of this stuff.

Ah well, patiently or not, I still have to wait.

~The Countess~

I’ve never been very good at making resolutions. I generally think that any changes that need to be made should be made throughout the year and not saved for the first of every year. I prefer to solve problems as they come up rather than let them accrue until the end of the year. It’s so much easier, to me, to do it that way. The pressure of having all these changes in January is just one I’d rather avoid. It seems to me that January resolutions turn into February guilt-trips and March failures. None of which is my cup of tea. I despise guilt trips and don’t allow failure, so, I tend to not make any resolutions to begin with. That way, I don’t feel guilty about not doing them and I don’t have to worry about failing at them.

However, I did make a resolution this year. It’s kind of a two-part thing.

First, I’ve determined that work will not be the highlight of my week. I don’t have to worry about dreading work anymore, because I love it so much. But, I don’t want to be in the position of not wanting to go home at the end of the day or week. I want to have fun weekends and evenings. Whether through seeking more opportunities to go out in the evening or making more plans for the weekend I want to take full advantage of life.

Essentially, I got into a funk back in October after moving into my own place, where, I was lonely and I wanted that solved, but I didn’t want to be the one to have to solve it. I’m over that now. And I’ve decided that I am responsible for myself having fun. No one else. And life is too short to mope around. I’m trying to put that energy into planning fun things.

And the second part of that is, I’ve determined to travel more. Whether it’s a weekend trip to Houston or Montgomery, or longer trips to places further away, I want to get out of town. I want to go see friends and make fun memories. And not get stuck in the rut of being bored in town by myself for the weekend. I’ve always loved traveling and right now is the best time for me to do so. I don’t have any kids to consider while making plans right now. And, my boyfriend is long distance – making traveling necessary and fun. Essentially, I’ve decided that there will never be a better time for me to take planned and impromptu trips to wherever. So I’m going to do it.

And that’s as close to resolutions as I’m getting.

~The Countess~

Don’t move Baby Don’t move
Awww look at you
I just want to take this in
The moonlight dancing off your skin
Our time Lets take our time
I just want to look in your eyes
and catch my breath
Cuz I just got a feeling

This could be one of those memories
We want to hold on to, cling to,
one we can’t forget
Baby, this could be our last first kiss
The door to forever
What if this was that moment
That chance worth taking
History in the making

Inside, baby inside
Can you feel the butterflies?
Floating all around
Cuz I can sure feel them now
Tonight, maybe tonight
Is a start of a beautiful ride
that will never end
And baby I’ve got a feeling

This could be one of those memories
We want to hold on to, cling to,
One we can’t forget
Baby, this could be our last first kiss
The door to forever
What if this was that moment
That chance worth taking
History in the making

Right here, right now
Holding you in my arms

This could be one of those memories
We want to hold on to, we want to cling to,
One that we can’t forget
Baby, this could be our last first kiss
The door to forever
What if this was that moment
That chance worth taking
History in the making

It seems that sometimes I rush through life waiting for things to happen. I want them to happen on my terms. And when they don’t I sometimes get upset. I consider it unfair when things don’t go according to my plans. No matter what it is really.

And then, sometimes, when you least expect it the most amazing things can happen. When it does, it seems shocking to think that this actually is happening. I’m so there right now. I’ve spent so much time waiting for things to happen and now that they are, I’m sort of in shock. But, it’s a good kind of shock.

~The Countess~

And never look back, run a parallel line with the railroad tracks, and make my getaway.

I just booked my tickets for February 5-7 to Montgomery, AL. I’m so excited!

The closest thing I made to a resolution this year was to travel more. Here in the states and maybe even internationally. My only goal is to not stay in Texas too much. There are too many places I’ve never been. Like, Montgomery, AL. Now, I have no idea what there is to see out there…although, I certainly do know a who. Or should that be a whom? Ah well, I don’t actually care.

Regardless, my life has been turned upside down by a lieutenant in the Air Force. And, since where he is at any given time is dictated to him by the military, I will simply have to travel more. Of course, since he’s already driven 13 hours out of his way to see me and is planning to do so again in the near future, I find it only fair that I do some of the traveling too.

Best thing is that I really do love to travel. Even if it’s not to huge destination hotspots. It’ll be getting out of SA and out into new and intriguing parts of the US of A. So, here’s to packed bags!

~The Countess~

I can really be so silly sometimes. I think I might need my head examined. Today, I’m just enjoying making my students think that if they squish their rests in their music that they will make me cry. It’s surprisingly effective. They get to laugh at me and they learn to observe their rests. Of course I also threatened to hog tie some of them. They’re starting to not take me seriously when I do that. I might actually have to resort to doing it so that they know it isn’t an empty threat.

~The Countess~

But, I’m having to exercise it right now. I hate not knowing how things are going to turn out. I wish that I had a crystal ball so that I could see how things are going to turn out. It might take some of the fun out of life, but, it would help me with things…at least right now. Instead, I get to muck my way through them. It kind of sucks. Oh well, it’ll be over soon enough I’m sure.

~The Countess~

My mom, sister and I were in Austin shopping today and we decided to go and visit my aunt at her residential facility today. The facility is very nice. It’s clean, bright, has a nice courtyard, the staff was friendly and attentive.

She was napping when we showed up but very happily got up to visit with us. We helped her get on her shoes and glasses and went for a walk in her courtyard. A lady came out while we were out there and kept asking how she could get out of the facility because she didn’t want to miss her son. She finally decided that she would just walk to town so she could meet him. It was heartbreaking to realize that she wasn’t there mentally.

We walked around the loop in the courtyard and kept each other laughing. After we went back inside we sat with her while she had her snack and talked about everything and yet nothing. Leaving was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in quite awhile. It was so hard to walk away and leave her behind. It felt like a betrayal. I really wanted to cry.

We made her day today though. She kept saying how happy she was to see us. How happy she was that we came and saw her. Such a simple thing really, a quick trip. And yet, it made her so happy. It was totally worth it.

~The Countess~

“We could have been killed…or worse, expelled.” – Hermione Granger

“She needs to straighten out her priorities.” – Ron Weasley

Every now and then I get so bogged down in my own woes, and so caught up in all the things that are “wrong” in my life, that I forget how good I have it. I have two amazing jobs. I have an awesome family. I have good friends.

And sure, every now and then the jobs irritate me. My family annoys me. And my friends let me down. But, in the grand scheme of things, my life is very good. This week has definitely been a woe is me week. I’ve been down about just about everything. And why? Because I’m lonely? Because things don’t go my way?

I really need to straighten out my priorities. So, I’m going to try something new this week. Every time that someone or something irritates me, I’m going to lift them up in prayer. Even if I can’t change the circumstances, I can change my attitude. And, that’s what I’m going to do. Because, honestly, I have it good, really good. And I need to remember that and not get bogged down in the little things that aren’t going so well.

~The Countess~

I’ve come to an important moment in my life – my student loans are coming out of their grace periods and into repayment. I only have three, two that the payments start on by December and one that isn’t due until April. They’re all federal loans, but, three payments going in different directions each month seemed stupid to me. I decided to look into loan consolidation. So, after a little research on the internet so that I would understand what kind of interest rates I should be offered, I went to my bank this morning.

Lady1 gave me all sorts of great information regarding consolidation loans – of the unsecured variety. The lowest interest rate was twice what my current fixed rate is. She did mention that if I did a home equity loan she could get me a lower rate. That was after I told her that I didn’t own a home.All of this was after telling her that this was for student loans.

Lady2 on hearing that I was working with student loans gave me a 1800 number to call. I called the number and got Guy1. He was by far the most helpful. Told me about the interest rates he could offer me, the terms of repayment, etc. And then told me that he thought it would be in my best interest to go through the Department of Education, since all of my loans are federal. So I called the next 1800 number, worked my way through the second stupid call system to get Guy2. He was, essentially, useless. The automated system could have told me what he did. All he kept repeating was that they could mail me an application or I could fill it out online.

Off to the website I went, only to learn that I would be forfeiting my remaining grace period and have to jump through all sorts of hoops. I need to:

• Gather all of my loan information.
• Fill out an application.
• Apply for a pin.
• Sign an electronic note.
• Send in my application.
• Dance with a monkey on my back.
• Wait 4-6 weeks.

And then, they’ll let me know. So, while all of that is going on, I’ll have to be making payments on my loans. I’ve decided not to consolidate. At least, not right now. I’ve remembered again why I loathe our government at times – they take what should be a simple process and complicate it. And of course, when the government is the entity least likely to screw you over…you’re, well, screwed.

This is the stuff that coming of age novels should be made of. Forget the whole finding out who you are because your dog/best friend/parent dies. It should be all about how to dance the bureaucratic dance. Who needs character when they have rules.

~The Countess~

 

Just made it home from my cousin’s wedding in Wyoming. Today was a looooong day of travel. It started with a 2.5 hour flight delay. It ended with me getting home to a notice that the water at my complex would be shut off tomorrow morning. And that they’re coming in to test my smoke alarm. (Which should be tested. I burned dinner in the worst way not too long ago and it never went off). I’m currently printing music for a recital I’m accompanying in a week and few days.

The wedding was a total blast. I’m going to try and have pictures up soon. It’s always fun for us Texans to see snow and we actually got snowed on during picture taking. Overall the wedding involved: snow, shotguns, a kilt, a knife, lots of whiskey, and teaching our new family across the pond how to vandalize someone’s car. Hopefully I’ll have time tomorrow to share photos.

~The Countess~

Airing dirty laundry has always been socially unacceptable. Think about it – you run in to an acquaintance – they ask you how you are, you tell them you’re fine, and they say the same. Regardless of how either of you really are. Because, you don’t want to air your dirty laundry in public. You aren’t supposed to. We’re all supposed to be fine. Even when we’re really all barely mucking along. It’s like it’s inappropriate to be having a hard time with life.

Screw all of that. Why do we try so hard to pretend that everything is hunky-dory when it isn’t? Like, having a sucky period in life makes you a bad person? Where  the hell did that come from? It’s okay for things to not be okay. This is the conclusion I’ve come to.

My blogging has been non-existent practically since I moved because things have been varying degrees of not okay. I don’t say anything, because there are so many people who have it so much worse than I do. And yet, it is okay for me to not be okay. Even with everything that is going right in my life – it’s okay for me to still not be having an easy time.

Don’t get me wrong – the jobs are great. I know how fortunate I am to have not one, but two, jobs that fit who I am as well as I do. But, when you feel like the only thing in your life that is going right is your job…well, then, you know how I’ve been.

The “problems” or the “not right things” probably wouldn’t even be a blip on the radar for many people. But for me, they’re sources of non-happiness. My personal life is shot. What’s that quote from The Devil Wear’s Prada? Something about, let me know when your personal life has gone to hell…it means it’s time for a promotion.

Anyways,  my dirty laundry is this:

- I dated an ass. Not the first time, probably won’t be the last. But, it sucks. He lied multiple times all while telling me he’d always be honest with me. And, why do guys think they can actually successfully date multiple girls at the same time? Best thing that came out of it was a song.

- Most of my friends are married. I am not. I am not even dating anyone. This sucks on several levels. Either, they invite you to do something and you’re the 3rd, 5th, 7th wheel. Or, they don’t invite you because they don’t want you to be the odd person out. Which, means you are the odd person out. Or, they just try to set you up with the only single people they know. Even if you aren’t compatible. Or you go out with only the girls and they only talk about their husbands, or sex, or going home to their husband, or, well, you get the idea. It gets old. What happened to talking about movies, jobs, current happenings, religion, politics? Because really, I don’t want every trip out to include a discussion of your sex life. Or how much you love your husband. Even though I’m glad you do. And of course, we can’t forget the whole making plans only to bail because they have a date with their spouse or whatever. What happened to the girl code that you never bailed on your friends for a guy? This has happened three or four times in the last two weeks. It gets old.

So yeah, I have two great jobs that are running me into the ground. I love them, but I am exhausted at the end of every day. And, I am lacking the support network to recharge. I’ve often felt invisible – like, if I’m not in the room with you – you’ll forget that I’m there. I feel that I’m very invisible here in SA. I have a purpose in my job and none in my own life. Hopefully I’ll find my footing soon, but, I’m done with ignoring the problems in my life. I don’t want to feel like I’m drowning. This is one of the few places where I can be me. So here I am – it’s all out on the line.

~The Countess~